I like how you make the reader think that this mouth watering visual is in her here and now.We than find out that this visually tangible delight that appears to be barred from her by a glass window is even less it accessible when we discover it is only a page in a magazine. We feel Elizabeth pain wanting something that she is trying to deny herself trying maybe to drop those pesky pounds. I could taste your Sundae .I could smell that rich flowing chocolate I know you cant see me but I'm drooling now!
I like the use of your onomatopoeia tom tom tom it sets the mood of excitement and takes me back to seeing my son on the ultrasound, There is also a great sense of joy in your poem .I would probably take out the three to tom tom toms after "must wait for" me it breaks the flow for me, other than that good job!
your stories are funny but your use of puns is the extra seasoning of ha ha that really puts the grin on the face. I remember the streak era and even the song although I never saw a wild bear tush running down any main street. Now I am going to read more of your funny stories.
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