Well-written..... the issue has been dealt with in a manner which even a person who doesn't work can relate to.However,I find her transition from a depressive state to one of determination a bit too fast.....before the reader comes to grips with her situation,she has aldready come out of it.You should describe her state of depression in more detail....
the line'It seems life is just a series of s*** happening, and trying to duck before it hits you smack in the face.'is excellent....
Also,in the 9th paragraph of the second part of the story,there is an unnessesary gap between her and he...I think it is merely a typing error....
Overall, a good read...
Keep up the good work
Coral Blue(FOR BLUE ROSE REVIEWS)
A well narrated incident...I appreciate the style of writing used..It is an experience anyone can relate to..the humour comes out beautifully..without using fancy words you have written something which gives the reader a good feeling inside...Keep up the good work..
Regards,
Coral Blue
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Very well-written...I like the way you have handled the thief at the end of the story..when the door opened I thought it was the police but you dealt with it better...the way the store deals with thieves is a novel idea..well thought out plot..just found a minor mistake...in the 42nd paragragh you have used thw word 'ligit'..the word light makes sense here.The story moves fast and makes excellent reading....the manner in which you have written about the thief's background is just right..a little extra would have spoilt it..A job well done
Keep up the good work
Regards,
Coral Blue
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well-written....I like the practicality of Miranda..but you have portrayed her as Ms. Perfect..you could change that..I mean every human being has certain flaws...the charecter of Gerry is interesting and nicely done..work on it. If You improve it a bit and continue it,it can be a good book..add more stuff maybe some more charecters...talk more about miranda's personal life..add some more spice..best of luck..keep up the good work.
Regards
Coral Blue
well-written...you have described the gore well,the portrait made of this person is quite scary and interesting.But you must change the intro rating to atleast 13+.I also dont understand your caption(Based on a dream..).You must not be apologetic about what you have written,and if you could you should change the word 'kinda'.Overall,an incredible read,makes a good horror story...has great shock value.Keep up the great work
Regards,
Coral Blue
Very well-written....although the 2nd line is a bit confusing...you could work on that.The "expression everything is an illusion....real" is impressive and original.This poem is real(no pun intented)and most importantly believeable.It is also relateable to and well planned.Overall,a good job
Keep up the good work
Regards,
Coral Blue
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This poem is written as if you were forced to rhyme it.But I like the contradiction at the end.Shows a reflection of our materialistic world.Keep it up and write,write,write.Add some more body to it and believe me it can be great.
Well-written,never saw this side of human nature come to light....your descriptive power is great.....probably the only case in the world where I would justify killing.For further reference you must read The Chamber by john grisham.Its on similar lines.That is if you've not aldready read it.Good work.........keep it up.
Regards,
Coralo Blue
Well-written,captures a child's mind perfectly...
But a little more explaining will make it perfect.Quite humourous and well presented without using non-understandable words.Its great for a quick read.
Regards,
Coral Blue
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Well-written and completely true.This is just the right time for me to read this as im frustrated with reading love stories everywhere.They are all so cliched.Hats off to you for taking a different view.And the part about the songs is very rightly said.Keep up the good work.By the way,its ok if you spell wrong sometimes as it adds to the effect.But thats ONLY occasionally.Love your work and please keep it up.
Regards,
Coral Blue
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Well written piece.Very adamantly described views which are all relevent.The part about doing the wrong things to become popular is totally right.People have less control over their mind these days.It is the worst when someone knows hes doing something wrong but still does it.
Thank you for opening my eyes.On the whole it portrays that you have written from the heart.Keep up the good work.
Regards,
Coral Blue
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One of the best murder mysteries ive read in a long time.You kept me guessing till the last moment.I was shocked to hear who acctually killed the boy.I like the inputs on the Amish life but that could do with some elaboration.There is one mistake I found in this line:"Jed looked around and walked lover behind the main circulation desk." It should not be lover but lower.Overall,well written especially the charecter description.Keep up the good work
Regards,
Coral Blue
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interesting piece......Well worked out...analyzes human follies in a great way with providing possible solutions.It is quite inspiring too.But i feel by rhyming the verse at every stage it has lost out sumwhere.u can make it better by just trying to let it flow.But overall,your understanding is amazing.
Regards,
Coral Blue.
Very well written chapters...interesting how you have connected daily life to religion.I like the way the charecter of Joshua has evolved,about how for him his religion is all important..I think the part about the britney spears look-alike could be done better.Maybe you could have interacted with her.but the overall charecter description is good.Keep up the good work.
Regards,
Coral Blue
A good effort at capturing the mind of the insane.I would say,the criminally insane.I feel she should not have smashed the mirror since it says earlier that the mirror is her only friend.And in a way thats like killing herself.I like the way you have described death.Overall,a good read.Keep up the good work.
Regards,
Coral Blue
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A good effort but a bit too short.I love the deeper meaning being implied.Needs a bit of work.The second and third stanza need to be connected better.It would all be better if it were a little longer.But,if u feel it might spoil the effect,then dont add too much.Overall a good effort.Keep up the good work
A good effort but the impact gets lost when he starts giving her flowers.In a normal situation,coming to think of it,there are a million ways of expressing gratitude so why flowers?But the story is well thought out and the charecters well defined.Its very disturbing to see whats happening to the world.How you can just be categorised as harmful without really meaning it.Keep up the good work
I think this entry is patriotic to an extent.This is I guess how it was back then.Today the press of a button can wipe out civilizations.There is not much man to man contact in our wars...Impessive....keep up the good work.
AMAZING.............this is the only word I can use to describe this...but one thing you could do would be to change or rather modify the ending.But,that is only my opinion.I am sending 10 gps to you.Hope you appreciate it.And keep writing.....ure good!!!!!!1
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