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4 Public Reviews Given
5 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Lillaeas
Rated: E | (4.0)
An entertaining short story in classic 'Twilight Zone' style; the premise is good and the story does well after a slightly shaky beginning. My critiques are almost purely technical:

1. The intro paragraph isn't actually necessary to the story; it seems more like an inner-cover blurb than a part of the story itself. Unless you're planning to publish it in book format with an inner cover, I'd cut it.

2. You've already introduced Gareth by giving his name immediately; you don't need to refer to him with a phrase like 'the said boy'. Just use 'he', then distinguish him from Kyle by giving Kyle's name immediately as well; since this story is told from Gareth's viewpoint, it makes sense to refer to Kyle by name from the beginning.

3. Third paragraph: since you're using Gareth's viewpoint, who is a fairly young boy, including a word like 'cerulean' as a color descriptive is a little inconsistent. You do this a few other times also, with Kyle's use of language being sometimes too advanced compared to things he says in another sentence; as an example, "What is it that trouble (sic) you? We've been best buds for years...". Minor aside; pay attention to singular/plural endings and tenses.

Other than these, no real complaints. It's a fun read and a solid short story. Thanks for posting it!
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Review of Mighty Joe Ugly  
Review by Lillaeas
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hah! I like it. It reminds me of one of the stories in Scott Mccloud's "24-Hour Comics" compendiums. The only suggestion I have is about the ending, which seems a little abrupt and sort of begs a bunch of new questions. This was a pretty real-world scenario, so what happens when a guy who's turned into a bona-fide superhero suddenly shows up? But still, lots of fun. And I don't have any serious stylistic suggestions, so well done. Would love to see a sequel...
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