Structurally and grammatically i had no real issues, i leave that to any grammar Nazi's. I admit I do not know the previous chapters. Regardless I was able to identify with the two central characters and form an image of them in my mind. The larger context of the friends and nightclub were also apparent. Ironically I once held the keys to a supermarket, it's a pain in the ass. I always enjoy an element of sleuthing mixed with tense drama.
Some would state that in terms of dialogue you are falling into the trap of linking adverbs into this and weakening the impact.
Charlie, who the f*** is that!?” She spat out in fear whilst turning the swivel chair to show her what she was seeing.
Being more story focused I can live with this. But I mention it as it is something others find fault with at times.
Nice descriptive elements to my mind, and remember it is only my opinion.
The big ones, would I read on = yes. I might try to follow the story if I spot it and time permits.
Yes I liked it. I placed it at the just past YA readership but this line blurs.
Language level Vs characters is good, the use of correct impact swearing works as does common phrases, mental, f*** etc.
I hope this is what you were looking for MK
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