Psych, in pranking me by posting a nonexistent story I can now write a bogus two hundred character review super super super fast and get the gift points I need for a review. Take that, prankster :P. But yeah, Happy April Fools and good writing to you!
I think my biggest criticism here is that I'm confused as to exactly what this poem is referring to in real life. Or even if it's referring to something in real life. It's got some fun lines, but it's not quite clear enough what is eating the socks that I can focus on having fun with the poem.
First off, I do really, really like the idea of a smoking unicorn. That's really amusing to me, and it's well executed here.
That said, my biggest critique of this is that the entire story is told through expository dialogue, with almost no action. I would work on finding ways to make the dialogue more interesting. It's definitely still better than most I've seen on this site, though, so good job!
I'm not expert at poetry, so take everything I say with a massive grain of salt, but as a reader, giving every word its own individual line. I'm not sure why, but it felt weird to me (but I'm also not entirely sold on the idea of an only seven word long poem anyway, so that might be it too).
My biggest comment is that if this is meant to be a self-contained piece, it doesn't read like one. It reads more like the introduction to a scene.
Second, I think I'd like to have a little more characterization of the character in question. This is told from their POV (not sure which gender they are), but I don't know much about the character, just that they're being tortured. Though it's a dire situation, I don't find myself caring quite as much as I should. I think some dialogue would be interesting in this situation. Maybe they make some comments to the Doctor that show how they feel about their predicament?
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/briancole1492
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.22 seconds at 6:15am on Jun 26, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
