beachbum13's (beachbum13) Reviews

beachbum13

Review Requests: OFF

20 Public Reviews Given

20 Total Reviews Given

1

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3520585

Review of Street Woman

Review by beachbum13

Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)

I really like this. I think it is about a prostitute and if it isn't than this whole review is really embarrassing. It actually makes you have sympathy for her and that is hard to have feelings for someone in such a short piece.

2

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3520559

Review of The Existence Of Angels

Review by beachbum13

Rated: E

| (3.5)

This was a pretty good piece. I like how one person is trying to convince the other about the existence of angels and the other is trying to deny the existence of angels. When you have a new person talking you have to start a new line of dialogue. I don't understand why you have put a whole line in between a sentence. I think you might want to fix these two little things. It has a lot of potential, I think you should continue writing because you have talent.

3

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3513394

Review of Twin poem

Review by beachbum13

Rated: E

| (2.5)

I am not quite sure that I understand this. If you could please explain it that would be great! I do like how it seems to talk lovingly though.

4

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3500789

Review of Louis Farrakhan

Review by beachbum13

Rated: E

| (3.5)

This was good. I like how it sounds kind of like a Shakespeare poem. I don't see anything that needs to be changed. Good job!

5

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3496877

Review of The Biggest Downfall

Review by beachbum13

Rated: E

| (4.5)

I have already wrote this in your journal, but I love this poem! I love how she seems happy to everyone, but she is really dying inside. I love how she wants someone to aprroach her but nobody wil because they find her intimidating.

6

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3485811

Review of My Heart Belongs to You

Review by beachbum13

Rated: ASR

| (3.5)

The last line that says "Because of you I am dead" I think it would be better if you put this separate. I like how you exaggerated your lines and it made you feel what the person felt. It sounds like someone has lost someone they deeply cared about. I really like the lines "I lost it in the woods somewhere, Somewhere it is safe from you-" it makes the reader see how badly she was hurt. These two lines "I locked my heart in a box, Because I feared you –" really were good because I felt like it told how much she has suppressed the feelings and how she is trying to keep away from this person becasue she doesn't want to get hurt again. Overall it was a really good poem and you should be proud of it!