Who will read this? Through a random chance and the power of Read & Review button, I will.
An interesting piece exploring loneliness and shallow attempts at leaving a mark on this world, full of uncertainty if the narrator's words will even have any impact.
This poem could've been possibly expanded to touch upon building up courage and trying to go beyond an abandowed wall, aiming for murals and bilboards, making himself heard.
I'm inclined to agree with these points. Most likely I'm guilty of at least one of the things described. Heheh.
One of other things annoying me is lack of moderation. Someone puts out a 2 word chapter and ruins the further choices or interest in anyone reading further, which results in low views. And the creator of the interactive story is nowhere to be seen...
Not bad. The story did grab my attention from the beginning and I was curious how it would unfold. What bothered me however, is the repetition of words. There are numerous places where you start the sentence with "We", "He" or "They" several times in a row, which kind of takes away from the experience.
Still, for a first piece of literature it's pretty good. I'd be happy to read other childhood stories of yours whenever you post them.
Not bad, but I think it would flow better if each line had a similar number of syllables, like you did with the first four lines, easily the best part. The message at the end is quite nice, too.
Overall, you did a pretty good job on that one. Keep 'em coming.
Wow, this is an impressive piece of literature. I wish I could provide something more substantial than praise, but I can't find anything to criticise about this. The "our souls still in the sky" part is just a perfect conclusion.
You should be proud of yourself, not every person can glue the words together like that and make them stick firmly.
Oh, so instead of every line in a poem in an alphabetical order, you made every word like that. Clever.
The 'Zowie' at the end sounds like a bit of a stretch, but other than that, good job.
I really appreciate the effort put into this. The control of quality is maintained all the way. And although some of the descriptions of body changing are a little lackluster, the well thought out progression of the chapters makes up for it.
There is so much to explore, I'll be definitely coming back for more.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/a1101
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.22 seconds at 2:54am on Jul 01, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
