Choices

Choices

When I had you, I had choices.
I could choose to wake up every morning and spend another day with you.
I could choose what I wanted to make you for breakfast, lunch, dinner, always something I thought you'd like.
I could choose to come up behind you, put my arms around you and feel the warmth of you.
I could choose to hold your hand or put my hands on you in those secret places we both loved so much.
I could choose to wear my hair the way you suggested and I could choose to use the shampoo that made it smell like fresh mint and chocolate because you liked it.
I could choose to lie beside you in our bed at night and feel your steady breathing or lay my head on your chest and hear your strong heart beating beneath your skin.
I could choose to be with  you for the rest of my life, happy, content, sheltered and loved so very much.

But now, I have no choice, but to sit in this house, looking at four walls and wondering what to do next.
Now I have no choice but to walk through the kitchen, aimlessly wondering if I am even hungry.
Now I have no choice but to ache to have my arms around you and yours around me.
Now I have no choice but to pour that shampoo down the sink because I can no longer stand the smell of it.
Now I have no choice by to wake up alone in our bed, missing the weight of you next to me and wonder how I will ever make it without you here.
Now I have no choice but to be alone.
When I had you, I had choices...