Confusion

Confusion covers my eyes and makes them dark.
Makes me afraid to completely give my heart.
I'm surrounded by those who love me yet I feel so alone.
Living in this self-made hell I call home.
Wishing for the day when I can be happy
And longing for someone who loves me for me.
So many years spent alone with my thoughts,
No one to share them with afraid to get caught.
Letting someone in who might understand,
What this torment is going through my head.
Who will hold my hand all the way,
Fighting these demons day after day.
Never have I really lived just tried to get by.
Waiting for a reason or someone to show me why,
This life is worth living, worth giving my heart.
All fears set aside now a new start.
My eyes get a little brighter with each new day,
With someone who shows me love in sweet little ways.
But I still return to that self-made hell,
Trapped, afraid and drowning in a deep dark well.
Never truly breaking free,
No else's fault, no one to blame but me.