The strenght of your love.

Look around you... What do you see? Close your eyes and just listen. There is a whipser, a gentle murmur. A ruffling of leaves in the morning sun. I exhale the cold morning air as I open my eyes. I look around, searching, waiting, yearning. I search for my answer in the morning wind. It blows softly by, caressing my ears.

Follow me...

I turn my back to the wind and I allow it to guide me along. I walk softly but purposefully. As I wander the serene forest I feel at peace with myself.

Then I hear it. Footsteps heavy and careless. I hear twigs being trampled and plants being crushed. I stop, frozen with fear. I know to well the sound of those footsteps. I have heard them a many times before. Falling heavily on the floorboards becoming louder with every step. My mouth becomes dry and the sound of my heartbeat fills my ears.

I know it is not real. I hope it is not real. I am transfixed by the sound. Suddenly I spot a someone running along the forest path and I realise its not him. I take a deep breathe and I almost fall over with relief. Why do I still feel the bruises of my past? Why do I stll hear the ghost footsteps of my abuser?

As wander cautiously towards the forest path I notice the crushed flowers. I kneel next to the once beautiful small white flowers. I caress the white silky petals and I begin to cry. I feel trampled.

He huants me. For years he held me captive with his words and guilt. I remember nights of lyng in bed cold remembering his words, still stinging my ears. I lay clinging to the silence of the halls when he was away. His abuse was constant and yet I stayed. Sometimes I hate myself more, for allowing the abuse, rather than him, for causing the abuse.

I sat there cluching a flower to my heart. I am the small crushed flower and I was holding my own totured soul to my beating heart. I sobbed uncontrolably and felt years of torment stream though my eyes, down my cheek and into the muddy forest floor. I felt grounded to the muddy floor. I felt it pull me down, making my heart feel heavy. I felt drawn to fall down and stay sobbing into the earth. I heard the dirt call out to me.

Fall on me...

I close my eyes again. Whispers are present all around me. In the trees, the earth and the wind. The wind blows gently past me again. Whispers in my ears. I strain to hear the words but they do not reach me. Then I feel the wind again, circling gently, winding leaves gently along the forest floor, past my ankles. Suddenly my tears stop, the incesive beating in my ears stop and I the wind pulls gently at my ear lobes.

Follow me...

I listen intently again. I suddenly realise in my emotional state that I misheard the words. Fall on me...follow me... I had heard wrong.

I stood up from my kneeling spot in the dirt. Small droplets of mud run from my skin. I turn my back to the wind and I walk softly but purposefully. Nothing can stop me from moving forward now. A break in the forest ahead and I feel the warm sun warm my cheeks. I spot sun kissed water. A beautiful wide lake.

I stand at the foreshore with the crushed flower in my mud covered hand. I bend down slowly and I place the flowers gently on the water. Slowly the wind begins to push it slowly out to the centre of the lake. As I slowly lose sight of it I begin to stand. For the first time in my life I stand tall. I step forward into the cold water. I begin to submerge myself in the icy water. As the water stikes my body it causes small, sharp breathes.

I stand with the water around my neck and I slowly lean my head back. I feel the water caress my scalp and the back of my neck. All the dirt from the muddy path leaves my body. The coolness of the water sooths my bruises. I whisper to the wind.

I love you...

I open my eyes and I find your beautiful wide brown eyes looking back at me. Gently you caress my ears. You lean forward and gently kiss my face with cool lips causing me to take small, sharp breathes. You smile sweetly and blood rushes to my cheeks, warming them. I close my eyes and listen. I can hear the gentle ruffling of your fingers running through your hair. Ifeel you caress my scalp and the back of my neck.

Suddenly the footsteps of my past are just whispers from a dark muddy, forest path. And somewhere by a beautiful wide lake grows a single precious white flower.... softly but purposefully.

With your gentle love you encouraged me to step in the right direction and helped me to grow. Thank-you...