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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4769908
Review #4769908
Viewing a review of:
 
An Ending  [E]
My life is getting smaller
by green is happy
Review of An Ending  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello {suser:

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your poem for fun after searching around the site for some recently created poetry items. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Initial Thoughts: With the combination of the title, item description and cover image, you caught my attention. It made me wonder what I would find with the poem and that is a great start. The poem made me think about my grandmother who has always been good with plants. Each spring she would do a lot of planting. However, this last couple of years she has tried to cut back on the work she did for the yard. Instead, she let her daughter do the work.

Form: I don't know much about the forms used for the stanzas since there isn't information provided within the item. I would have to look them up in order to tell if each one follows whatever rules are required for either the Redondilla or the Serventesio.

it would help if you adjusted the bottom part so people are aware it is a note and not a continuation of the poem. It looks sort of like you are doing free verse with a fun shape or style but instead, the last two lines are details about the poem. Might help if they aren't done in "center" the way the poem is set up. Also, Maybe provide a link or a little information about the forms. If you don't want to that information to distract from the actual poem, you could put it in a dropnote. That way it is available for anyone that wants to know the details but doesn't take over the space.

Topic/Content: I like the idea and approach of the poem. Do have to admit that it feels a little disjointed. Perhaps, trying to fit the lines in the particular forms created the situation because something about this makes me feel like I need a little more. Like I'm missing something but I can't quite figure out what.

Final Comments: Thank you for sharing this poem here on the site. I'm glad that I got the chance to read it over and hope that I see more from you in the future.

Keep writing. *Quill*



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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 08/17/2024 @ 12:40am EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4769908