Your story has a haunting and poetic quality that captures the reader's attention. Here are some thoughts and suggestions to enhance it:

Opening Sentences:

"He couldn't escape them. Those horrible twisted thoughts that the world had treated him unfairly." These lines are effective but could be tightened a bit for clarity and impact. Consider: "He couldn't escape those horrible, twisted thoughts of unfairness."
Imagery and Mood:

The imagery of staring into an abyss is strong. To heighten the mood, you might add more sensory details. For example: "He stared into the stomach-turning abyss, feeling its cold grip around his heart."
Descriptive Language:

Phrases like "wounded knee" and "bloodied knuckles" effectively convey his physical and emotional pain. You might elaborate slightly for a stronger visual: "With a wounded knee and bloodied knuckles, he beckoned, his voice raw with desperation."
Dialogue and Revelation:

The angel's message is profound and lyrical. To make it more impactful, consider breaking it into shorter lines for emphasis. For example:
"Glory be unto I and thus unto thee.
Nothing is troublesome in itself.
'Tis the loathing that makes it so.
Therefore, we ought to let it go."
Character's Transformation:

The protagonist's shift from despair to contentment is powerful. You capture this well in the scene where he returns to his hut. Adding a few more details about his surroundings or inner thoughts could deepen the reader's connection to his transformation.
Ending:

The ending is hopeful and ties the story together nicely. The final lines could be made more poignant by showing a brief moment of his new life. For instance: "The next day, he awoke to a summer morning, the likes of which he'd never witnessed. Birds sang, and the sun's warmth felt like a gentle embrace. And that's how it was for the bloke of no note."
Grammar and Style:

Watch for small grammatical issues like "couldnt" (should be "couldn't") and "'Twas" (consider if this fits the overall style or if "It was" would be more consistent).
Poetic Elements:

Your use of poetic language adds a unique touch. Ensure that it flows naturally within the narrative and doesn't disrupt the readability. Phrases like "heart of hearts" and "whence he came face to face" add a lyrical quality but should blend seamlessly with the rest of the prose.
Overall, your story effectively explores deep emotions and the journey from despair to enlightenment. With a few adjustments for clarity and detail, it can become even more compelling. Keep refining your poetic voice and imagery, and you'll continue to engage and move your readers.

WriterRick (WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .