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Review #4746201
Viewing a review of:
 Strange John  [E]
"You can do it," John said. A story of remembrance, motivation, and encouragement
by Vicki Lynne
Review of Strange John  
Review by Tiggy
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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*PenB* First Impressions:

This seems like a very personal story. You didn’t choose ‘Personal’ as one of the genres and in the first paragraph, I thought it was a fictional tale written in third person. In the second paragraph, however, it suddenly became clear that there was a first person narrator, and I had to check back if I had missed this in the beginning, but I hadn’t. I read the story differently from that point because it makes a difference to the way the readers perceive the events, and it then made sense why you included some of the details, like the exact date of the funeral.


*PenG* Suggestions:

I would consider choosing ‘Personal’ one of the genres for this story, and also making it clear from the start that there is a first person narrator. The way it is at the moment, finding out in the second paragraph is a little jarring.

The story was very polished and I didn’t notice any errors. I stumbled a little over the start to the third paragraph where you said, In looking back to the day. It might just be personal preference but I think “Looking back” (without the ‘in’) would work better.


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

John seemed like a great person. Lots of people turned up for his funeral for starters, but it was the small, personal details that made him so likeable, for example how he kept encouraging the narrator with the reassurance ”You can do it. His death was tragic for so many people, and I liked that you wrote this piece both to remember him and as encouragement for others.




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