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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4743976
Review #4743976
Viewing a review of:
 A Crush In Big City Traffic Rush  [E]
Experiencing big city rush hour as country village folk.
by SandraLynn Team Florent!
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
The Free Folk image for G.o.T.


Hello SandraLynn Team Florent!

I'm sending this review in connection with "Game of Thrones.


*Penw* Positives

You did a really good job of giving the reader a clear sense of the personalities of the individuals in this story, and making the reader feel like thye were right there along for the ride with them. The activities in the car were amusing and I particularly liked the tongue-in-cheek wit of the opening paragraph, which I think set the scene really nicely for this short piece.


*Penw* Suggestions

The only (small) criticism I have of this piece is that there didn't feel like there was a definitive beginning or end to this piece. It was more of a vignette or anecdote about a small moment in time, rather than a story, per se. I would have loved to have read a little more exposition and a little more conflict and resolution to fully flesh out this piece into a compelling narrative. The last sentence also seemed to cram in some additional details almost as an afterthought, and I would have loved to have those bits of the story expanded on as well.


*Penw* Overall

Other than the relatively small critique outlined above, I thought this was an enjoyable and entertaining vignette with memorable characters and a good bit of humor woven in throughout. It was a fun read and I thought you did a good job with it. Nice work!


Respectfully,

Jeff
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DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.


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