"Game of Thrones"  "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 



Hi Elizabeth

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Hello There

First Impression: I wish I could say I've never experienced insomnia but unfortunately I experience it more than I care to say. I enjoyed how the poem talked to the clock and the mattress like they could respond back.

What needs your attention: Okay I think this poem would benefit from some tweaking.
1. first stanza- you're asking a question in the third line that the fourth line could answer.
Why am I here when I should be in bed?
Instead there's too many ideas in my head.

2. second stanza this sentence slows the pacing
I like you, but I don't think we can stay friends
You can easily reword it and pick up the pace.
I like you but we're not friends.

3. third stanza Beginning a line with and also slows the pacing
And if I said I liked you, I would be faking

If I said I liked you, I would be faking.

What part I liked best: Is the poems direct approach to circumstances all too many of us have experienced.

Overall impression: I disagree with the author's description, this isn't a silly poem. It acknowledges a real problem that exists.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .