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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4740724
Review #4740724
Viewing a review of:
 THE FRONT  [E]
teen living in poverty builds a false public image through hard work and cunning.
by Bob
Review of THE FRONT  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

Hallo Bob !*Smile*
I will be reviewing your work "THE FRONT"  on behalf of "House Targaryen Points"  for "Game of Thrones" 

*Dragon2* Content:

A young woman recounts her fashion journey through high school until graduation. She is always dressed uniquely; dances to her own tune you might say and leaves everyone wondering where she gets her styles from. She even manages to end up dating a sweet guy, but still cannot get herself to be truly honest with him. However, her 'front' all comes tumbling down when she gets the surprise of her life after thinking she was going to get away from it all.

*Dragon2* Pluses:

Your story reads like poetry; free verse or rather you read it in the voice of a dispassionate teenager who longs for something more. It's almost mysterious as well - of course it is; seeing as she hides who she truly is from everyone in school and even the boy who ends up falling for her. This is a resourceful character and her inner strength despite the harsh reality has made her determined to pursue her dreams.

Great job being able to capture all that with your words.

*Dragon2* Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

>>Can't afford a perm (,) so I cut my own hair

>>Waiting tables and collecting tips from hungry(-)eyed boys.

>>On my day off (,) I haunt the thrift stores and

>>I had him drop me between two mansions (,) and I hurried between

>>there sits Ricky behind the receptionist(')s desk

>>"I'm here, *Cut* you don't have to be cool anymore."
"I'm here. You don't have to be cool anymore." (would look better broken into two sentences)

*Dragon**Bullet**Fire**Bullet**Dragon*


So, aside from the punctuation errors noted, this was a delightful short story. Thanks for sharing with us and write on! *Bigsmile*

Fire and Blood - the Throne is Ours!



Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You last responded to this review 04/01/2024 @ 1:01pm EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4740724