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Review #4720515
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Review by Past Member 'rupali'
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: | (5.0)
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It is not so bad but the previous draft was more interesting than this one. It is an adventure storybook. We know that this type of story is always surrounded by the main character. Here Korga is the main character. The story surrounding him. This is perfect. I must appreciate the writer here.
But there are some negative sides, too. These are indeed very crucial.
In a storybook, the exact calculation of parts is so important. Every part creates a chapter. So, the division of two chapters was correct and mixing them within a single chapter is a wrong decision. Do not bother about the length of the chapter. Only concentrate on the subject.
Every ideal storybook can be divided into three prime parts. First, the main story part. The second one is a side story. Last but not least one is sub-story. The sub-story has mainly been used for entertainment purposes. These do not create any impact. But, the side stories can play an important role. Here, the relationship between Korga and Herta is a side story and it will take a decisive role in the end. So should deserve a separate chapter. The part is a preface. So that must be in the chapter number one. These are basic errors.
Now I wish to enlighten you about a minor error, but it may play the most vital role. In the first draft, you opted for a tough but beautiful art. Every sentence created interest for the next sentence. But, the second draft is a bit descriptive. That hampers the readability.
Please rectify these errors in the next draft. Keep writing.


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