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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4711999
Review #4711999
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The Hauptmann Residence  [13+]
WDC 2nd Place: A soldier returns from the war to an old house and an old love
by LightinMind
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
In the book Catch 22, there's a character by the name of Major. He is an elder brother so is called Major Major. In the Air Force he is promoted, inevitably, to the rank of Major, meaning that he becomes Major Major Major. So it's an old joke but yours is more subtle - the clever combination that is Captain Hauptmann being evident only to those in the know.

Your story is no Catch 22 and never intended to be, but it holds its head up high as a flawlessly written tale of a romance interrupted, lost, and then saved. I found it to be an excellent read, unpretentious, straightforward but heartwarming and, ultimately, proving that there's nothing wrong with happy endings.

If there is a criticism of it to be made, I think it must be that it is a bit squeaky clean. To a certain extent, it holds the reader a little distance from the tale, avoiding a close involvement with what is, at times, an extremely active and boisterous history of a man who is a Christian, yes, but no milksop. To be truly involving, the story should bring us in closer to Noah's time in the special forces and the fight that caused the death of his comrades. Only in this way can his brief skirmish with the bouncers and crooks in the brothel become entirely believable in its outcome.

I know it's being a bit picky, but a reviewer's job is partly to suggest possible improvements to the story, and that's all I can think of. Whether you decide to act on my advice is entirely up to you, of course. And, whatever you decide, it's a thoroughly enjoyable read. Thank you.

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Beholden




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