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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4711989
Review #4711989
Viewing a review of:
 
The Happening  [ASR]
My beliefs in the universe.
by Spiritual Dawning
Review of The Happening  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Good evening. This is my Member to Member Raid review of "The Happening". I offer these as my opinions and encourage you to take from them what resounds with you.

Overall Impression: The visual shows me like-sized paragraphs. That alone draws me in because I am an orderly kind of reader attracted to symmetry.

I liked the overall concept of what you believe to be somewhere out there, albeit far, far away. You progress through a logical pattern of "if this, then that" statements. You use common, easy-to-read and understand words without using scientific words. They are your beliefs and I respect them.

Suggestion: I read a number of times that the "entity" will wait out there even while the stars and suns are gone. I suggest there could be some way to explain how one could exist without the sun and be capable of space traveling with no known life-sustaining energy source. I have no doubt the vehicle is already assembled to accomplish such a mission.

The second suggestion is the genre choices. Biography is good. Community is too broad. I would bring in readers of a more specific genre like philosophy.

Technical: In the second paragraph there is a period after a question mark, ie: why?. The cosmos being too big for our race should say our species. We are of a multitude of races. Place a comma next to suns in "stars, suns, and novas. The last paragraph "Its" should be "It's".

Great writing! I am glad you had this piece available for me to be the first one to review. I would very much like your feedback on my review.

Write On!
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