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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4711960
Review #4711960
Viewing a review of:
These Are My JOTtings, Part #2  [E]
We live much of life amid unique choices. Joy is anchored in The One beyond our life.
by Jay O'Toole
         Review for entry/chapter: "The Discipline of Aging Well
Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello Jay,
Here is my member-to-member raid review of "The Discipline of Aging Well" which I picked because I wanted to find something helpful in my own aging journey.

Impressions: The title hooked me because I wanted to know what aging looked like in your experience. The common poetry rhyming scheme first, third and second, fourth never fails to please me.

Suggestion: Take a second look at the two contractions: "wond'ring" and "this'un." They seem out of place and not consistent with the rest of the words in the poem. I think they were shrunk down just to meet the line's syllable count. Perhaps another word with the correct number of syllables would work better. I am not sure what the lines about a QA mean.

I enjoyed reading your take on the aging process and how it impacts lives at a particular stage. I never have to worry about running out of something new to read at your place.

Write On!
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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4711960