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Review #4685729
Viewing a review of:
Riddles of birth  [E]
A free verse for the Stormy's Newsletter Contest.
by Koyel~writing again
Review of Riddles of birth  
Review by Brooklyn
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

Hello Koyel~writing again

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

Hi there! I remember your name from years ago working with Talent Pond. Do you remember? What a cool surprise. I found your piece on the Please Review page.

I'm a novice at free verse but I can offer what I felt as I read and I sincerely hope it's helpful or at least interesting. :) To my knowledge, the most important thing in free verse is the line breaks. With that said, I felt two places it felt slightly awkward as I read.

In the first stanza, I wanted to take a break while reading the last line after temporary. "like these" felt like it should be in a new line.

In the third stanza, it seems 'like' in the second line is more connected to the next idea "happiness or sorrow" making it -

is permanent
like happiness or sorrow,
pleasure or pain,

Other than those observations, I really felt this was a strong poem that projected emotion and had good word choices. It's a thought-provoking piece and it makes me want to visit your other work. Again, thank you for sharing this. I really enjoyed reading it. Good luck with the contest.

A new signature from Kiya's shop. Thank you Kiya!


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