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Review #4682808
Viewing a review of:
 
Poetry  [13+]
My collection of various poems.
by Cat Carroll
         Review for entry/chapter: "Splendor" 
Review of Poetry  
Review by Brooklyn
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

Hello Cat Carroll

First, thank you for sharing your work with us!

I saw this piece in the Review Requests and wanted to share my thoughts.

I think the overall sentiment and idea behind this poem are strong. I will admit I'm not a strong free verse poem writer. I find the form actually harder than more rigid forms. While free form does not have formal requirements in meter or rhyme, a successful free-form poem does have other attributes such as cadence which arises from the poet's chosen language. I think the choice of specific words that evoke strong emotion and/or visual impact is important in all poetry but especially so in free verse. The reason being it has no other elements to depend on for impact.

With that said, I think you could improve upon your piece by playing a bit with the language. Test not only the word choices but also the placement of words. For example, in the second line, you could invert the first two words having the exact same meaning but it changes the cadence, and for me, the feeling as I read.

Another area that you could explore if you choose is eliminating unnecessary words. When I write poems, I always try removing words to see if it strengthens the reading. For example, in the first line of the third stanza, the and at the end isn't really absolutely necessary. Removing it does not deter from the visual or comprehension of the poem's theme. Sometimes fewer words can actually strengthen the value of the words left.

Also, while I'm here I would like to note that the second line in the fourth stanza appears to have a typo. I think what you're trying to reference is 'singeing' clothes. What you have currently is 'singing' and I don't think you're trying to tell us the clothes are emitting any words or melody.

I hope my comments give you some ideas on how you might possibly improve this piece if you choose to or perhaps incorporate into a future piece.

A new signature from Kiya's shop. Thank you Kiya!


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