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Review #4475734
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Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: | (3.5)
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*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

Hello there, Renesmee!
I've been writing for most of my life, but that doesn't necessarily make me an expert on what should/could be a story. It's entirely up to the writer if they want to make it a story. Now if it turns out good or not, that's up to those who will read it, which pretty much means that that's up to you and how well you write it.
OK. Now with that out of the way, I like this idea of your character knowing a vampire, but I think you might want to reconsider writing this in the first person point of view. Try the 3rd person first. You're young, so I don't know how much literary experience you have, but you should experiment with different forms before you jump into writing a long work.
Like I said, you have a good premise here, and the decision to go full throttle with this is entirely up to you. But maybe write a few pages and ask some of your friends to read it and get some feedback on it. See what they think. Maybe they can give you some ideas. It never hurts to have a new, fresh set of eyeballs look it over!
Trust me on that!
One last thing: the spelling and grammar were alright with this, but there's a few capitalization errors you might want to check.
But whatever you do, DON'T GIVE UP! If you truly want to be a writer, then you have to slosh through the mud like the rest of us! It takes dedication and hard work, and you can't expect to be a huge success overnight! You just have to keep on keeping on!
Speaking of which...
Kee ponw ritin gon, Renesmee, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you're going to love it here!
PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PSS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies"  and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.

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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4475734