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Review #4474439
Viewing a review of:
 A Cherished Friend  [E]
This was an essay written for a common test and I'd like some critique. I'm 16 by the way!
by milkwalrus
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings, Milkwalrus!
I don't know if this essay was based on a true story or not (I think it is), but regardless, you did a fine job of telling it! And for being only 16 years old, I'm not only impressed, but I'd give you an 'A' on this if I was your teacher!
You went over the top by describing how you first laid eyes on Elizabeth and how your infatuation grew to become a mutual friendship, as well as how it made you feel when she had to leave. But at least you stayed in touch, and having her to return, even if it was for a brief visit, was a perfect way to end this!
Great spelling and grammar, Milkwalrus (thank you!), but I did spot one tiny niggle (sorry to be so picky):
'...as her hazel orbs were utterly captivated me under the warm, golden rays of the sun...' (don't need that-the sentence doesn't make sense with it)
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! As I said, for only being 16 you show some real talent and potential for writing! Don't let it go to waste!
PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PSS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies"  and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.

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