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Hi there, AJW! This isn't bad. I like the idea of these 9th graders getting their comeuppance for trying to bully the lowerclassmen off the lot, but I think you might have overdone it with the speech tags. Going back and forth with 'said the 9th graders' and 'said another 7th grader' got kind of redundant. But that's just my opinion, and in no way meant as any criticism of your story. I'm just trying to help. Nice job with the spelling and grammar, but I did spot one tiny niggle: '...as he took his hand of the kid's shirt.' (off) Kee ponw ritin gon, AJW, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you're going to love it here! PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course. PSS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies" ![]()
PSSS-If you want more exposure for your items you can put them on the Please Review Page or The Shameless Plug Page under Community on the left hand side.
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