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Review #4472586
Viewing a review of:
 Healer on Blue Mountain  [E]
Sibby Jane lived on Blue Mountain. A healer might save her.
by Chrissy C Autry
Review by Angus
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi, Chrissy.
Considering how short this is, it's not too bad for your 1st piece on here. I think if you had a little more description and action it could be better though, but that's just my opinion. Maybe some backstory too so we could know why they were climbing the mountain to begin with, unless they were just on a hike.
A couple of tiny niggles (sorry to be so picky):
'I saw the snake(,) it was too late.' (or 'I saw the snake but it was too late.')
'Beginning to puke again(.) I felt the rush of death...' (should be a comma)
Kee ponw ritin gon, Chrissy, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you're going to love it here!
PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PSS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies"  and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.

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