Hello MidnightWolf
I just finished reading the story you requested for review

Overall Review: This looks like it could be the middle or the beginning of a longer work. The plot line intrigued me. I wanted to know more about the two men and the ability they showed. It must have been something new as they hadn't showed it before. I wanted to know more.

What is the goal or purpose? Duskero seems to have something to prove. In the past he's performed in this place as a competition. Here he feels confident he has what it takes to win or move to the next level.

Is there a motivation? I didn't read or get a sense of the motivation. There isn't any talk about what Duskero will receive if he wins or moves to the next level. The motivation of this story needs more definition for me to connect to the outcome. I didn't feel satisfied nor was I rooting for him since I had no past or knowledge of his future.

What are the conflicts? Here is another place I felt was lacking. The most important piece besides motivation. The only conflict in the story was him looking for the ring and almost not arriving on time. There needs to be more angst in the story. A build up to the actual performance.

What I Liked: I like a bit of magic. I want to know how he got it when he didn't have it before. I want to know what he wants. Why is he even entering this contest if he lost before. Why did he lose. These are all questions I wanted to know the answers to. The interesting parts hooked me.

What Needs Work:
The above mentioned things. Also I was too confused as to the blond/brunette tags. Men don't usually have these. They are general descriptions given to the reader but not used instead of names. I'd rework the beginning. Stick to Draken waking him. If this was important to Druskero I doubt he'd be lazy, he'd be up and getting dressed. Show his motivation. Why is this show going to get him what he wants and what is it? The two can talk about it. Their actions can show they are a couple. The kiss, one gently straightening the elaborate costume (describe it) This is too short. I want more.
Thank you for asking me to review this, it was a fun piece to read.





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .