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Review #4150982
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Review by Noyoki
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: | (4.5)
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Hello Prosperous Snow celebrating ,

*Music1*My Thoughts:

This is the introduction of what might prove to be a fasinating sci-fi. Please, please, please do this one for NaNo. I hope you'll give us a chance to read it.

*Music2* My Favorite Part:

         *BurstB* I love how you made the AI very literal. When Carz says she's hearing alarms when she looks at the planet, the AI assumes that they are real alarms and then tries to figure out why she's hearing things.

         *BurstB* This story drew me in, when it ended, I wanted to cry and beg for more. Great job!

         *BurstB* I love the idea that it might be the plant life that's the problem.

*Music1*My Suggestions:

         *BurstG* Watch out for the word had, it's often unneeded. Example: The surveys had reported. You can remove the had because reported is already past tense.

         *BurstG* You need a question mark after: are you addressing me?

         *BurstG* I would give the AI a name.

*Music2* Final Thoughts:

Please continue. I love it so far.

Thank you,

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Write On!!


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