Hi! I'm judging "Invalid Item"  for Round 69 and thought I should give everyone some feedback on their monotetras!


Favorite Aspects

I like the general message here and the topical nature of the piece. Everyone seemed to go very very topical for this prompt, which definitely makes me happy. Your tone here is also perfect for this type of piece. Well done with it.

Technical / Grammar / Syntax

"Kowtow" does not rhyme with no/go/so. Kowtow is pronounced like "cow" on both syllables. Cow-Town without the -N. It tripped me up on each read, especially since it is repeated. Just to be sure, I check the pronunciation in both US and UK English... it's the same.

The form is called monotetra because they are supposed to be written in tetrameter. This isn't really in meter. It falters so frequently that I wonder if the actual lines of meter appeared by accident.

Effect

Well, I think that the poem has some nice moments, but it reads as though it was written, submitted, and never looked at again. It has that sloppy feeling of a poem that was written on the fly and received no revision. It is a fine first draft or even second draft, but it doesn't feel polished just yet. As for the contest, the lack of tetrameter is a shame, but I wouldn't count myself out.




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .