Hi! I'm judging "Invalid Item"  for Round 69 and thought I should give everyone some feedback on their monotetras!

Favorite Aspects

I'm always interested in topical poetry. Whether I'm for or against, I think that topical work is important because it may reach a broad audience and highlight the importance of social issues.

General Observations

The flow is very smooth. It's nice to see someone pulling off meter.

Dialogue is a great technique to use in topical poetry. It works well here.

"Its answer one each user knows" is awkward. On each read, I stumbled over it. Who are the "users"? The users of guns... that's how it reads. But that makes little sense in context. There is also a bit of a disconnect between this line and the following line. The punctuation pushes the idea that the two lines are one statement, but the connection is vague at best. It is really the only part that has a muddy meaning.

I like that opening with a cliche is risky, but the risk paid off in this case. The ending works as well, despite the fact that it sounds like a lone event. Say, one war or one battle or one shooting-- too many died. If you're talking about all shooting throughout an extended period of time, it would be 'too many have died'. Even still, it works somehow.

Effect

Overall, I think this is a nice piece. I wish there was a smidge more imagery, since the 'bullets split a heart in two' is the only imagery in the poem. It also isn't all that emotive in my opinion. I appreciate the sentiment intellectually, but I felt nothing when reading it-- no sadness, no chills, no... anything. So, it's a nice write but there is room for improvement if you feel like revising sometime. Good luck with the contest!




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .