I Know A Girl [13+] A girl talks about knowing a girl...curious? |
Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Hello Nicole Lundrigan . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to WDC today with a quick review. My inbox is open if you have any questions or need help navigating the site. Keep in mind that the following is just the opinion of one reader. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it! If not, feel free to disregard it completely. General Impressions I thought this was an interesting topic for a poem. I think a lot of people can relate to the idea of not really being able to show who they truly are to others. There are a lot of factors that play into this like low self-esteem and shyness. Some people have anxiety issues and this causes them to hide even further because they don't know what people will think if they show their true self. What Worked Some parts worked really well and I felt like you hit a groove near the middle of the poem. I like the repetition of "I know a girl" at the beginning of each line reflecting back to the title of the poem itself. My favorite lines were: She has thoughts she tries to hide, That are pushing her to fall. And I'm terrified to realise that, I have understood them all. This seemed to be the strongest point in the poem. It really peaked here for me. Suggestions Some parts felt a little bit awkward. They just didn't read as smoothly as others. The last stanza threw me off a little bit because the rhyming pattern became near rhymes soul/all, killer/mirror, whereas the rest of the poem was exac rhymes. For how can I see her light, When she hides from me to see? This read quite strangely to me. Even though I knew what you meant, it definitely made me do a double take because 'she hides from me to see' is worded a bit off. But I've haven't told a soul This one is just a typo. Easy fix! Summary I think you did a good job with this. It had a lot of emotion and heart in it, which always makes for a good read. There are spots where the wording and flow could be tighter, but I enjoyed this for the most part. Thanks again for sharing! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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