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 Review #3962898 |
| Hi jrod67. Here is my review on "Invalid Item" . Please keep in mind that the comments and suggestions below are offered only as suggestions. You may take heed or disregard them at your pleasure.  FIRST IMPRESSION: Wild ride and a great adventure!  WHAT I LIKED MOST: The Guardian's arsenal of abilities were quite formidable.  PLOT DEVELOPMENT AND RESOLUTION: As this is an incomplete excerpt of a possible longer story it stands well on its own. Though it does have a beginning, middle and ending that are well thought and satisfying to the reader. CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: I have certain concerns, though again I loved the protagonist. I have no real idea of what he looks like or his age. Is he tall, thin, fat? Is he battle-scarred? Is he weary of the never-ending pursuit of evil? In short the reader needs more information about him. SHOW VERSUS TELL: I believe the story plays out well as a movie in my head. SPELLING: No errors noted. GRAMMAR: No errors noted. SNAGS THAT INTERRUPTED THE FLOW OF THE STORY: Again, the characterization of the protagonist was the only real snag in my mind as the reader. Also I am left wanting to know more about the airship Parabola as this seems to be the main Steampunk element of your story. I have the impression that it is steam-powered but I am not clear that it is a blimp or exactly what type of vessel it is, its size, crew complement, et cetera. STRUCTURE/MECHANICS: Again, beginning, middle and end all in place and working well! Though in retrospect I would like to have known what Lucas' mission to New Zion was. New Zion was well-presented in setting as was the air-harbor area. SUGGESTIONS: Write some more! What you have here has left me anxious for more! CLOSING COMMENTS: All in all a well-enjoyed read. I look forward to more of your work in the future!   WRITE ON! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 03/07/2014 @ 12:49am EST