Hi there Raith2000 ! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I am reviewing

Out For Revenge: Who? (Part One)  (13+) Main character, Cedany, is out for revenge to the man who assassinated her family. #1971131 by Raith2000

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General Impressions Your off to a good start with this. My impression on it is a little short for a chapter but I really don't know if this will be a short story or a novel or novella. This is just an observation. You have an interesting story plot.

Favorite Parts Ailia was always happy to buy Cedany's goods, in exchange for some grain. I liked this part because you explained both character's motives for being in your story. Also it gives you a sub character to use dialog with later on or maybe even give Cedany a clue to who the killer was in another chapter.

Plot With a short story you use the title, the description, and read the story and see how confused you get. With a chapter or a larger work some times it takes a few chapters for it to show up and than only pieces of it. So far as a short story it matches. As a novel or novella it's a stating motivation for what is going to follow. Good work your staying with what you set the expectations for.

Characters Your not over descriptive on your characters. Since this is going to be a larger work your setting us up with back ground. Introducing us to your set of characters and the roles they play. Your doing it well great job.

Setting Your building up your settings well. Since this is going to a part of a larger work your setting the stage with the town for a lot of the action will take place or the home base where everything starts from and returns to. or what the character will miss as she travels the world either way hard to really tell until I have read the rest of it. The point is your setting up your stage well not over describing and not just a quick mention either.

Dialog Right now it is all dialog since it is first person telling us her story, setting up the stage and giving background. You doing it well.

Presentation I added this category because presentation is what a writer is all about. We are judged by how we show off our work by every reader. You always want your best efforts out in front of the reader. Because you never really know who that reader is. Would you really want Steven King to read this as it is? Now we all make errors in writing it is going to happen. The best trick to finding them is read it out loud before hitting save. A professional uses line spacing, punctuation, and indenting as part of their best presentation.

After a while of hunting, Cedany traveled back into town and went to the market. She had shot a wild turkey, and wasgoing to prepare it to sell. <--- Spacing between was and going.

She was hoping, that just maybe Merek could teachher how to fight.<--- Interesting way to miss spell teacher or was it really teach her?

I gave you a four star rating because you stated this will be part of a larger work so I cannot review it as a short story. If it was a short story I would give it a three point five star. Mainly because it is missing a lot for a short story. But your off to a great start nothing a little polish and rereading will not fix.

Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story Whatever another person says -- especially me -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story.

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!







My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .