Hi there Elle - on hiatus ,

Thanks for allowing me to read your work. It's been a pleasure.

Och, adorable! I've never been introduced to a kereru before. The septet is a really restrictive form, so there is a significant limitation on the number of words the poet can use to let their inspiration blossom into reality. (I've always been quite rubbish at this!) There're only so many aspects of this bird you'll be able to successfully capture.

Regarding short poetry, I've seen with other much more skilful poets than myself, that the best approach is not to convolute the form with too many ideas. It was refreshing to read your piece, because it seems you've also done this as well. The entire poem is almost a Bill Oddie-esque observation on the natural behaviours and appearance of kererus in their natural habitat. You keep to simple transitions, from the bird's distinctive sound when in flight, to its distinctive colour features, the quaint portrait of its feeding habits, and the sound it makes that gives it its namesake.

You've been able to visit upon a number of different aspects of the kereru in just a couple of breaths, whilst staying true to a sense of natural rhythm within the form. I also liked how you painted your words to the colour of the pigeon - I thought it was a nice touch.

Your descriptions are appropriately pithy without feeling rushed: it doesn't read as though you're trying to squeeze too much in. There's also a lovely sort of symmetry where you come back to the statement of {i]"kereru", but this time from the bird's mouth itself rather than the poet's. This was definitely my favourite little feature of your piece!

As far as the form goes, you've followed all the meter requirements perfectly. Even the shape is quite lovely, and quadrilaterally symmetrical like a rhombus. Again, not that easy to achieve. I loved the subtle pieces of assonance, and internal and end rhyming that you had going on. It gave your poem a more fluid, easy to read feel. The 'oo' notes repeated throughout were very cute, and added to the personality of the bird you were describing. The poet herself also took on an air of fondness for this creature, making this poem a lovely little gem to keep.

Overall, really great work. It's hard knowing what to include, and how much, but I think you got the balance just right, and though I could suggest other things you might have thought about illustrating in this piece, really that's not to say it would have contributed to making your poem any better, rather than just different... or possibly worse! Thanks for an enjoyable read!

All the best,


Wyrd




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .