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 |  An activity forum for sharing quotes, phrases, lyrics, and lines of poetry. |
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer. – Mitch Hedberg There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate. – Linda Grayson I find that a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced over whether or not I have bread. – Mitch Hedberg Guns don’t kill people, people kill people. And monkeys do too — if they have a gun. – Eddie Izzard When I was a kid, my old man never liked me. He took me to the zoo. He told me to go over to the leopard and play connect the dots. – Rodney Dangerfield You can’t lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, then what you’ve lost is a pigeon. – Sara Pascoe About a month ago, I got a cactus. A week later, it died. I was really depressed because I was like, ‘Damn! I am less nurturing than a desert.’ – Demetri Martin Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. – George Carlin Remember, when you’re dead, you don’t know you’re dead. It’s only painful for others. The same applies when you’re stupid. – Ricky Gervais Bad films... they're the English mustard on the breakfast cereal of life. – Steven Gepp In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. – Woody Allen My wife wants sex in the back of the car, and she wants me to drive. – Rodney Dangerfield A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. – Milton Berle |
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