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Rated: 13+ · Message Forum · Writing · #1474311
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Oct 8, 2023 at 10:04pm
#3592209
Re: Didn't Turn Out So Well...
I read it but I felt like the descriptors following the dialogue didn't help move the plot along. They kind of were distracting and confusing. That might just be me though.

Also I don't know much about the main character. Why does she want a bus ticket? Does she want to get away from her family? Is it to chase a dream? Her motivations for her actions weren't clear to me.

Hope this is constructive. If it's not then I apologize.
MESSAGE THREAD
Didn't Turn Out So Well... · 10-08-23 8:56pm
by Shadow Prowler-Spreading Love
*Star* Re: Didn't Turn Out So Well... · 10-08-23 10:04pm
by Patata Aterrdora en NM
Re: Re: Didn't Turn Out So Well... · 10-09-23 8:27am
by BrandiwynšŸŽ¶
Re: Didn't Turn Out So Well... · 10-08-23 10:47pm
by QueenNormaJean gettinPomsready
Re: Didn't Turn Out So Well... · 10-08-23 10:53pm
by QueenNormaJean gettinPomsready
Re: Re: Didn't Turn Out So Well... · 10-09-23 8:29am
by BrandiwynšŸŽ¶
Re: Re: Didn't Turn Out So Well... · 10-13-23 4:06am
by Schnujo's in Alabama
Re: Didn't Turn Out So Well... · 10-09-23 12:05am
by Olivia's writing adult stuff
Re: Re: Didn't Turn Out So Well... · 10-09-23 8:30am
by BrandiwynšŸŽ¶
Re: Re: Re: Didn't Turn Out So Well... · 10-09-23 12:30pm
by Shadow Prowler-Spreading Love

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