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Rated: ASR · Message Forum · Other · #101179
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Dec 30, 2010 at 2:02pm
#2180371
Re: First paragraph of a story that I am obsessing over.
I think that the paragragraph is wonderful, the only change I would make is instead of using those idling on their stomachs, "basking" on their stomachs seems to fit with the rest of the paragraph better. Jordan
MESSAGE THREAD
First paragraph of a story that I am obsessing over. · 12-07-10 1:29am
by Mike Blane
Re: First paragraph of a story that I am obsessing over. · 12-28-10 12:05pm
by Lornel
Re: First paragraph of a story that I am obsessing over. · 12-29-10 12:18am
by s
*Star* Re: First paragraph of a story that I am obsessing over. · 12-30-10 2:02pm
by Jordan Richelle

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