Red Opium.

Sorry I haven't been on for a while. I've been so stressed. A couple weeks ago I cut myself for the first time in 6 months. Last week I got drunk. Monday I was sick, and forgot to take my antidepressants and mood swing controllers the night before. Later on in the afternoon, I got upset. I went into my unfinished, concrete basement, and took old, ceramic tiles, and just threw them at the walls and floor. If it didn't break satisfactorily, I picked up the tile, and threw it again. Sunday evening I tried to figure out a way to fall on one of my exactos and make it look like and accident, so when they took me to the emergency room I wouldn't be in too much trouble. Yesterday I had a major panic attack that lasted all of my twenty-minute lunch period. I had a minor panic attack today.

I am so screwed up and stressed out right now. I feel like I'm halfway out of this muddy pit, but my feet keep getting stuck, and I keep sliding back in. My friends are all here for me, and they keep telling me that and keep giving me presents.

My best friend, though, is becoming less receptive. She ended things wtih her previous best friend because of distance, and the fact that she "couldn't deal with all of her problems." So, now I'm freaking out because I'm afraid I'm gonna lose her. I really don't want to.