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Journal of a Spaced-Out Brain

by Vanishing Vapor

Rated: E · Book · Writing · #2207307

You are a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. James 4:14

2,232 views as of 6/29/24

FOLDER

Most Recent Poetry

(E)
Poetry most recently written.
#2035077 by Vanishing Vapor

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

dlspiritwriter 🙏☯️😻

Jun 22, 2024 at 12:17pm
In response to "Wish for Summer Snow"

Yikes Kare that's quite a big change 😲.

To respond to the blog, I enjoyed your descriptions and contrast of the seasons!
Very nice 🙂👍 and caught my eye. Write ✍️ on!

Kåre Enga in Montana

Jun 21, 2024 at 3:18pm
In response to "I'll Scream within my Dream"

Time to consider entering this or one of your other recent poems into Poetic Traditions (as you have before).

Nicely done.

Kåre Enga in Montana

Jun 21, 2024 at 1:21pm
In response to "Wish for Summer Snow"

I went from 108 to 35 when I came back to Montana. And yes, it snowed; but, now the heat will finally settle in at the end of June. Oh, how we suffer.

At least in Thailand we had a/c. I will wilt next week.

1 Like

Vanishing Vapor

Dec 17, 2023 at 5:42pm
In response to "Hindsight"

If Christianity is true, would you like to know?

Kåre Enga in Montana

Dec 17, 2023 at 12:58am
In response to "Hindsight"

My body will feed the worms; my soul will return to its Source.

I'm not Christian so I look at things differently than most folks here at WDC.

Kåre Enga in Montana

Nov 19, 2023 at 9:09am
In response to "Temptation"

Wonderful rhythm and rhyme. It rolls... And yes, spiders need to eat too. They know where to dine... or they starve.

1 Like

Kåre Enga in Montana

Oct 29, 2023 at 1:19am
In response to "Kidder"

I really like this as is but I share some thoughts:

Now go the hell away. Very good use of this line. I'd make it the title unless a specific event or place comes to mind. Like "Workshop, May 32nd, Highway-to-Hell, Nevada".

I'd find active verbs for each use of 'is' and replace each 'the'. Like "May's sky screams blue; Spring's sea blooms green". This provides a season and action, sound, something.

Could use a grammar check unless you like it as is. Grammar is less important in poetry; this isn't an essay. For a definite pause (like for rhythm) you can use an emdash instead of a comma like: "I kid you not — nature's obscene,"

To add "darkness" to it... this is that season...

Explorers with lost souls explore,
Search worlds they've never searched before,
They'll kid you not — forevermore,
Now go the hell away.

1 Like

Vanishing Vapor

Aug 11, 2023 at 12:30pm
In response to "The Lighthouse of Whispers"

Whispers the names of all that suffered because of one's bad choices so that pain is returned.

Vanishing Vapor

Aug 11, 2023 at 12:25pm
In response to "The Lighthouse of Whispers"

How about the lighthouse whispers the names of all people who die as a result of one's bad choices in life?

Kåre Enga in Montana

Jul 30, 2023 at 1:52am
In response to "Salvaged?"

"Thus" and "only to" seem heavy, maybe 'let' as well. Too prosaic. Possibly like this:

the less I say,
the less I chance,
appearing weak —

predators investigate,
reveal themselves,
learn of my strength —

the hard way

Just a thought. I've been thought of as 'weak'. They forgot about my fangs.

1 Like

June 26, 2024 at 8:28pm

#1073212

Dust of Crumbled Stone

In my youth, with worries naught,
I found the untold truth I sought,
Hidden lies in lessons learned,
Left me cool to fools that taught.

All my songs have long been sung,
Although I feel as if still young,
Only the merciful breath of time,
Smooths the tone of an elder's tongue.

The universe lurks black and vast,
No gray matter will ever last,
But of memories I now recall,
How fast the sun of summer passed.

We all face life’s end alone,
The fear of death is to the bone,
Soon will come our time to die,
To be the dust of crumbled stone.

FOLDER

Most Recent Poetry

(E)
Poetry most recently written.
#2035077 by Vanishing Vapor

BOOK

Journal of a Spaced-Out Brain

(E)
You are a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. James 4:14
#2207307 by Vanishing Vapor

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© Copyright 2024 Vanishing Vapor (UN: rhychus at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
Vanishing Vapor has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and its syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.

Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/blog/rhychus/day/6-26-2024