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Friday, Jun. 28, 2024

3:09pm EDT

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Journal of a Spaced-Out Brain

by Vanishing Vapor

Rated: E · Book · Writing · #2207307

You are a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. James 4:14

2,205 views as of 6/27/24

FOLDER

Most Recent Poetry

(E)
Poetry most recently written.
#2035077 by Vanishing Vapor

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

dlspiritwriter 🙏☯️😻

Jun 22, 2024 at 12:17pm
In response to "Wish for Summer Snow"

Yikes Kare that's quite a big change 😲.

To respond to the blog, I enjoyed your descriptions and contrast of the seasons!
Very nice 🙂👍 and caught my eye. Write ✍️ on!

Kåre Enga in Montana

Jun 21, 2024 at 3:18pm
In response to "I'll Scream within my Dream"

Time to consider entering this or one of your other recent poems into Poetic Traditions (as you have before).

Nicely done.

Kåre Enga in Montana

Jun 21, 2024 at 1:21pm
In response to "Wish for Summer Snow"

I went from 108 to 35 when I came back to Montana. And yes, it snowed; but, now the heat will finally settle in at the end of June. Oh, how we suffer.

At least in Thailand we had a/c. I will wilt next week.

1 Like

Vanishing Vapor

Dec 17, 2023 at 5:42pm
In response to "Hindsight"

If Christianity is true, would you like to know?

Kåre Enga in Montana

Dec 17, 2023 at 12:58am
In response to "Hindsight"

My body will feed the worms; my soul will return to its Source.

I'm not Christian so I look at things differently than most folks here at WDC.

Kåre Enga in Montana

Nov 19, 2023 at 9:09am
In response to "Temptation"

Wonderful rhythm and rhyme. It rolls... And yes, spiders need to eat too. They know where to dine... or they starve.

1 Like

Kåre Enga in Montana

Oct 29, 2023 at 1:19am
In response to "Kidder"

I really like this as is but I share some thoughts:

Now go the hell away. Very good use of this line. I'd make it the title unless a specific event or place comes to mind. Like "Workshop, May 32nd, Highway-to-Hell, Nevada".

I'd find active verbs for each use of 'is' and replace each 'the'. Like "May's sky screams blue; Spring's sea blooms green". This provides a season and action, sound, something.

Could use a grammar check unless you like it as is. Grammar is less important in poetry; this isn't an essay. For a definite pause (like for rhythm) you can use an emdash instead of a comma like: "I kid you not — nature's obscene,"

To add "darkness" to it... this is that season...

Explorers with lost souls explore,
Search worlds they've never searched before,
They'll kid you not — forevermore,
Now go the hell away.

1 Like

Vanishing Vapor

Aug 11, 2023 at 12:30pm
In response to "The Lighthouse of Whispers"

Whispers the names of all that suffered because of one's bad choices so that pain is returned.

Vanishing Vapor

Aug 11, 2023 at 12:25pm
In response to "The Lighthouse of Whispers"

How about the lighthouse whispers the names of all people who die as a result of one's bad choices in life?

Kåre Enga in Montana

Jul 30, 2023 at 1:52am
In response to "Salvaged?"

"Thus" and "only to" seem heavy, maybe 'let' as well. Too prosaic. Possibly like this:

the less I say,
the less I chance,
appearing weak —

predators investigate,
reveal themselves,
learn of my strength —

the hard way

Just a thought. I've been thought of as 'weak'. They forgot about my fangs.

1 Like

June 21, 2024 at 11:57am

#1072980

I'll Scream within my Dream

I lay this broken body down,
To sigh my last sigh,
I'm tired and my body aches,
To say a last goodbye.
If I call but no one comes.
If all my hope is lost,
If lying inside emptiness,
If left to bear the cost,
I'll scream within my dream,
Let fly my last outcry,
Cling to my everything,
Try to wonder why,
I'll scream within my dream,
And if there's no one to hear,
I'll take one last look around,
And scream within my dream.

1 Like • Comment • View 1 comment

June 21, 2024 at 4:44am

#1072969

Wish for Summer Snow

In Summer's raging swelter,
I dream of Winter's dagger,
Icicle points, sharp and stellar,
Relieve this overheated nagger.

To lie in blankets of frosty snow,
Blue shadows cast on winter white,
Crystals cling to fruiting branches,
Sparkle in bright summer light.

Cool heat of which I suffer,
Until my lips are quivering,
Crusty slippery frozen snow,
Numb me until I'm shivering.

1 Like • Comment • View 2 comments

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