Can We Talk 2

Turning The Other Cheek

         Turning the other cheek has always been a dilemma for me. How do you do that without being a doormat? Yet, I am a Pacifist at heart. I want to demonstrate tolerance, peace, and forgiveness without becoming a victim of bullies. I finally heard a different take on the Biblical passage which cautions us to be forgiving.

         In the Sermon on The Mount, Jesus told the crowds to turn the other cheek when slapped in the face, and gave two other parallel examples. This new lesson on it explained that when striking someone, usually the back hand was used. You'd backhand a servant or a lower class person. But to someone of equal station, you'd use the palm of your hand. Most people are right handed, so to use the palm, you'd be striking the right side of the one facing you. This was not done frequently in that culture at that time. Backhanding was done frequently, so the assumption is that if you have been slapped, it was a back hand. To offer the other cheek is to say to the first party that "I am of equal station. Do it properly." It is actually standing up to the person without retaliation. It's not submitting to abuse.

         The next example is to offer your cloak if the offender demands your coat. The coat is the outer garment that keeps you warm on the cold nights. No one at that time would take your inner garment and leave you in your underwear. That would be beneath them and make them look bad to everyone else. To offer him even your inner garment (their garments were a little weird to us) is telling him to go ahead and degrade you, he has not offended you. It just wouldn't have been done back then. It's a way of showing you haven't lost complete control.

         The last example is to walk a second mile with one who demands you walk a first mile with him. The implication is that if you walk with him, you must carry his package or luggage. By offering the second mile, you are showing that you are in control. You are making the decision and doing more than asked. You take back your dignity in this way.

         None of these prevent the bullying. There is no guarantee that the bully will relent or back off. At some point you may have to defend yourself or a loved one. These admonitions are about attitude. You face the enemy, the abuse, or degradation with your dignity and peace of mind intact. It is not a directive to be spineless, to lie down and let people walk on you. Jesus was not telling the crowd to be wimps, but to be bigger than their aggressors.

         We have all known very strong people who did not react to a bully, who did not retaliate when provoked. Being able to stare down, or use soft words, or compromise works better than striking back.