Can We Talk 2

Afternoon With Dad

         My dad is getting older, but he remains in general good health. However, his vision is troubling and his hearing is almost gone. I hate for him to drive. So I took him shopping today. We went to Sam's Club to get a few bulk items. He loves to shop, so he has to look at everything. While he took forever to look at some things I browsed the expensive jewelry and daydreamed, like I would ever have a place to wear a $999 necklace!

         We ambled back to the car and drove to the fabric store that carried Vanna White yarn. That was for me. He sat in the car while I found what I wanted immediately. I'm planning to teach my 8 year old great niece to crochet, since she told me that was what she wanted. I got her a hook and the yarn and have a tote bag for her. When I got back in the car, I started talking to my dad about waiting in line so long while the only cashier waited on all those customers. As I backed out of my spot with the radio playing, I realized he was snoring and hadn't heard a word I said. He woke up when I pulled to the far side of the shopping center. I asked if he wanted to stop at Kroger, since he had mentioned it earlier. Yes, he wanted bananas. He loves to shop for groceries, so I knew this would be a long time. We parked near the front of the store. He walked in under the big sign Kroger. Halfway down the first aisle after produce, he saw a stand in the aisle that said Kroger, so he pointed to it. I nodded and we kept going. Since he's been in the grocery business most of his life, I thought he was just noticing the display stand.

         At the far side, after he reviewed all the meat counters, he saw the ice cream case, and said, "They even have Kroger ice cream." Suddenly, it dawned on me that he didn't know where he was. "You're not at Costco. This is Kroger's." He was totally surprised. He told me that he had noticed a man with a cart and thought to himself that he used to work at Kroger. I had noticed him staring at the guy who came out of the double doors, but again I thought it was his industry curiosity.

         I had wanted to go to Costco, but I realized it was getting late. He probably needed to go home. So I asked, and, yes, he wanted to go home. Nearer to home, we stopped at the drug store, where I picked up my routine prescriptions and some cold medicine and cough drops. He was asleep again, but woke up on our street.

         He still has physical strength. He could lift the detergent that I could not. I handled the eggs, because he tends to grip the carton too tightly and break a few eggs. He hobbled into the house and tried to do as much as he could. I help but I can't do it all. That would make him feel helpless. He tries to warm up dinner for me when I work late. He has to feel like he's still in control.

         I can deal with his feebleness and his extended naps. I'll drive him where he needs to go. But it worries me about the confusion. I have to yell to make him hear my soft voice. It takes adjustment on both sides. He has to deal with his loss of self-reliance and dignity. He's always been a strong man who took care of others. His mother, sister, in-laws, wife, and children have leaned on him. Now it's time for him to lean on me, my brothers, and the grandchildren.