Can We Talk 2

Winding Down the Working Life

         I am slowly adjusting to the idea of not working. My hours are cut back, which is normal for January in my company. I go to work each day, but as soon as I pull into the parking lot, I tell myself, I don't want to be here. Once, not long ago, I wanted to work over, when I was paid by the hour, to get more time in, more pay. When I was on salary, I worked over even more just to get the job done, even though it was never appreciated or recognized. Not any more. I start counting down the minutes until I can leave at the end of my shift.

         There was a time when I would look at the stay at home mothers and wonder how they could stand it. Oh, I understood the newborn stage and early toddler time, but I couldn't imagine babysitting and house cleaning all the time. I knew women who bragged about watching soap operas and getting their nails done before the kids got out of school. I couldn't understand how they did not want to get out of the house and be productive in the business world.

         Now I knew a few who volunteered a lot at the schools or at church or who gardened quite a bit. But I knew more who just took it easy, some without children. One lady told me she didn't have to work because she was a girl. Six months later she was getting a divorce and she was going to come out pretty well financially. Me, I wanted to work and thought everyone else should want to work, too. I told myself I would never retire unless I was rich and could travel instead.

         Well, now retirement is looking pretty good. I don't mind not working. It's no longer fulfilling. I'm not rich. I can't afford to travel. But I can pay my bills, and I have a roof over my head. I don't crave the latest gadgets. I don't want to take any more classes or plan an alternative career. It's like I have to retrain my thought patterns. Or the thought patterns have shifted without me or despite me. I don't want to advance in my career, write a better resume. I don't care so much about what other people think. It's okay to have little ambition, or a different kind of ambition.

         Bottom line: this is the year I will retire from the working world. I may do some things on my own, but I will stop reporting in to other people or punching a clock. I'm just working my way up to it. I don't want to be like the friend who retired at age 62, still in good health, and drawing a really nice pay check, only to say, "Now I wait to die." I'm not going to be that caught up in my work, so it won't be a shock in my life style.