Evolution of love

JAI MAA

After I started for Mymensingh at about midnight with only a piece of loin-cloth with me and without informing anybody

of my family about my sudden departure, there was great struggle in my mind and I hardly found words to describe it.

The sun is called the source of all life and activity and when the night wore on, with the rays of the morning sun,

demands of the office and family life revived memories of endless unfinished duties waiting for me. What slaves of

routine we all are ! The chains of the world are too stiff and too subtle to be broken asunder. My mind was strangely

clouded with dark thoughts about the duties of that day, even when I got a unique opportunity to sit at Mother’s feet.

Year after year I had yearned to touch those feet, and She had practically snatched me away from the jaws of death. It

seemed to me that our regard, reverence and love were nothing but fleeting emotional impulses; in actual fact we

secretly worship our selfish desires. Mother too says,— “Your expressions of love and reverence float over your

physical mind like gusts of wind; unless the inmost chamber of your soul be opened to allow a free flow of true

devotion, how can you offer the real thing in place of a mere semblance ?“

On reaching Mymensingh, I enquired of Mother, “Where would you like to go next ?“ Her reply was, “To the hills”. I said,

“The rainy season is already ahead of us; will it be advisable at this time to go to the hills with your old father ? If you

want to pass some time in seclusion, let us go to Cox’s Bazar on the seaside.” Mother remained silent.

We ordinarily find that Mother gives an instruction or suggestion only once. If we carry it out in toto, without any scruple,

it finally turns out to be for our best; otherwise we get either disappointed with the result or fall into some unforeseen

troubles.

We discussed amongst ourselves where we should go next and it was decided that we would start for Cox’s Bazar by

the evening train. When we reached Ashugunj Station there was a severe thunderstorm. Mother said, “The fury of the

storm that you see today is a trifle compared to what you will meet with tomorrow.” On reaching Chittagong we

boarded the steamer for Cox’s Bazar. When we reached the sea at the mouth of the Karnafuli river, a severe storm

arose. There was considerable rolling, waves began to pass over the deck. The passengers were screaming with fear,

but the joy of Mother at the sight of the stormy sea knew no bounds.

Watching the play of the storm with the waves, Mother said, “Look over there ! The ever-melodious music of the Divine

is going on over the bosom of the mighty sea. If man desires to secure his spiritual uplift, he must ever remember God’s

Name, sing His glory and try to listen to His mighty voice through all the turmoil of life in this world.” We went from

Cox’s Bazar to Adinath,(A temple on the top of a hill in the island of Mahesh Khali surrounded by the ocean.)

Mother remained there. I returned to Dhaka. After a few days Pitaji also went to Adinath and took Mother to Calcutta.

From there She went to Hardwar with Her father.

Afterwards She travelled to Sahasra Dhara (Dehradun), Ayodhya, Benares, Vindhyachal and Nawadwip. From there

She returned to Calcutta with Pitaji and then proceeded to Chandpur. On Her way from Nawadwip through Calcutta I

met Her. I learnt that Mother was then eating only some fruits and a glass of sherbet and had been passing several

days in this way lying on the ground day and night, quite absorbed in Her own thoughts. I also noticed that She moved

about mechanically like a doll dragging a body made of clay but pulled by some invisible hand. Finding Her in such a

state I was led to the conclusion that when the Divine puts on a body vehicle on earth, He or She has to behave like an

ordinary mortal in obedience to the laws of this illusory material world.

After some days both Mother and Pitaji came from Chandpur to Dhaka and stayed there at the Siddheshwari Ashram.

Pitaji fell seriously ill; after much suffering, as soon as he was on the way to recovery, Mother became bed­ridden. This

has been described before.

In October, 1929 the image of Kali was removed to a corrugated iron shed erected for the purpose in Ramna ashram.

In 1930 all the gold ornaments of the deity were stolen and its wrist was broken by the thief.

There arose doubts whether the broken image could be w9rshipped at all. Many Pandits were consulted on the point.

Mahamahopadhyaya Panchanan Tarkaratna said, “Since the image of Kali was not immersed after the annual puja due

to the order of a saintly person, Her directions should also be followed in this special case although under ordinary

circumstances worship of a broken idol is not permitted. According to Mother’s directions the image was renovated and

worshipped.

Long before, when I pointed out to Mother that the construction of the temple was necessary to house the image of

Kali, Mother replied,—”Wait for one more year”. Within a year of this reply towards the beginning of 1931, thanks to the

best efforts of Sri. Bhupati Nath Mitra and Nagendra Nath Roy, the foundation stone of the temple was laid. When a

trench was dug for laying the foundation, four or five tombs, large and small, were discovered, containing a skeleton

each, some in a sitting posture and others lying down.

Regarding these Mother said to me,—”The whole site has a sanctity of its own, having been the residence of a few

sannyasis in the past. You were one of them. I have seen some of the saints moving about in the Ramna maidan.

These sadhus desire that some temple should be built upon their graves so that men might come and pray to God here

and maintain the purity of the place for the benefit of the people. This is the reason why you have been advised to set

up an ashram here. Those who have taken part in the undertaking must have had some association with the departed

saints.”

I enquired of Mother, “If I was a Sannyasi, why should I be plodding on in this way now ?“ Her reply was, “Till the fruits

of one’s Karma are exhausted, one has to continue one’s unfinished work.”