Evolution of love

"COME AGAIN"

It all happened in the summer of 1941.1 had the first darsan of Sri Sri Ma
Anandamayee in May 1941 at Simla, the summer capital of India. I was
then serving in the Defence Department which was at that time functioning
from Simla. How we all remember that fateful year 1941 and all the horrors
and calamities let loose by the Second World War!

One day, at lunch time, I decided to have a good walk to straighten my
limbs and ward off the monotony of endless war-time work. I followed the
road which leads to Simla Kalibari, a Kali temple-cumresidential
establishment managed and run by the Bengali residents of Simla. As I
came near it, I heard some kirtan going on inside the temple accompanied
by mridang and cymbals. I could distinctly hear the words of the kirtan -
"Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare; Hare Rama Hare
Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare." It was being sung in a melodious tune. I
was seized with the curiosity to know the occasion for the kirtan, and with
that end in view I went right inside and found that the kirtan was being
sung and conducted by a band of devotees by going round and round a centrally erected manch (altar) inside a well-decorated big hall. For some
time I stood entranced with the kirtan but could not find anyone near by to
enlighten me about the occasion. So I decided to leave, and as I turned
back to go, I saw a Brahmachariji approaching me from the other side. I at
once seized the opportunity and asked him about the occasion for the
kirtan. He said, "Ma Anandamayee is here and that is why Astaprahar (a
24-hour non-stop kirtan) is going on." I said, "I have heard the name of
Mother but I hadn't had the opportunity and good fortune to have her
darsan so far. Is it by any chance possible to meet her now?" His right hand
pointed towards a set of rooms on the other side of the satsang hall and he
said, "Ma is in one of those rooms. You may just try your luck." With these
words he hurriedly disappeared, leaving me in two minds as to whether it
would be right and proper to invade that sanctum sanatorium at that
inappropriate hour, which was lunch time for all. After overcoming my
hesitation and with a palpitating heart, I had taken only a few steps towards
my goal when I found a burly middle-aged lady, apparently a close devotee
of Ma, emerged from one of those rooms and moved quickly towards me as
if to bar my advance. When she came and stopped before me with a grave
air and stern look, my heart seemed to miss a beat. She was wearing a light
yellow-coloured dhoti and her hair was cut short. I at once realized that I
should not have encroached upon that prohibited area without permission
or escort and hence felt apologetic. In a deep voice the lady asked, "What
do you want?" I somehow mumbled, "I hear that Ma Anandamayee is here
and I hadn't had the good luck so far to have her darsan. Is it possible o
have her darsan now?" The reply came in a more unhelpful and unwelcome
tone, "Do you think it is the proper time for darsan ? It's about half past
one now and Ma is having a rest. You may come some other Time."

The reply convinced me that the god of luck was unkind to me. Moreover,
the darsan of a saint was no easy come-and-go affair. Its pre-requisites are
devotion and sadhana none of which I was endowed with. To crown it all,
it was utterly wrong on my part to act out of bravado and seek darsan at an
undisputedly wrong hour. The lady's reply made me shrink within and I didn't hazard any repetition of my request before that august personality.
Without any further word, I decided therefore to retreat and proceeded
towards the exit. This misadventure disheartened me a lot and I quickened
my steps to leave. No sooner had I approached the exit door, than
unexpectedly I heard the same lady address me in a softer tone, "Are you
really going away?" I stopped and on turning back I found her standing at
the same place but now in a relaxed attitude and not so unwelcome mood.
But her question was not very clear to me because after her summary
dismissal of me with her firm declaration that Mother was taking a rest and
that darsan at that time was quite impossible, what else could I do but to go
away? However, on my coming back to her, the following conversation
ensued:
Q. What do you do here?

Ans. I work here in the office of the Defence Department of the Govt. of
India.

Q. From where are you coming now?

Ans. Direct from office. It's now lunch time.

Q. "I see. Well, wait a minute, let me see."

With these words, she hurried towards the room from which she had
emerged. I, on the other hand, stood perplexed wondering at the sudden
and unexpected turn of events as well as change in the attitude of my
questioner. A faint ray of hope then flashed into my mind at the possibility
of fulfilment of my desire to have a darsan of Ma. But I did not bave to wait long, for after a couple of minutes, the same lady
beckoned me to her, and as soon as I came near, she whispered, "Go inside,
Ma is in. Do obeisance to her and come out at once. Do not attempt to talk
to her as it is now her resting time." I nodded to confirm that I would
follow her instructions, and without tarrying for fear of being saddled with
any further restrictions, I immediately entered the holy room - my journey's
end.

I subsequently came to know that the lady who was instrumental in
arranging my first darsan of Ma at that seemingly wrong hour, was no other
person than our revered Didi Gurupriya Devi, who is not only a constant
companion of Ma, but also a noble soul who is constantly engaged in
serving her. Later on, when I was intimately acquainted with her, I came to
know that Didi's exterior is as hard as nails but her interior is softer than
flowers.

After gaining entrance into Mother's room in the manner mentioned above,
I observed at first only a mass of lustrous brilliance in the sitting posture on
a cot, a mass that looked like a human form completely covered with a
cloud of whiteness. I express my utter inability to explain in words the
impact of that unearthly phenomenon. Was it due to the fact that I had
entered Mother's room after remaining quite some time in the blazing
sunshine outside and it took some time for my eyes to adjust vision in the
semi-darkness inside the room? Or was it a stellar orbit of Divine
refulgence that always encircles Ma's Divine Being but remains mostly
invisible? I have since heard a few fortunate devotees say that they have
seen such a circle of light around her face and head as indeed this halo is
always there. I therefore consider myself one of those fortunate few to
whom Ma graciously granted a purified vision, a glimpse of her Divine
Light. However, after a few moments, Ma's whole feature. and her smiling
divine face which appeared to me like a flower in full bloom, became
clearly visible. I at once realized that Ma in her infinite kindness drew me
out for a while from the realm of darkness in order to grant me a glimpse of the World of Light. Does this not testify to Mother's boundless, causeless
and unaccountable grace upon her children?

I then did my obeisance to her and remained in a knelt-down position
thoroughly oblivious of everything of this world and dazed by the
unforgettable vision that I had a few moments ago. I had the least
awareness of Didi's stealthy entrance and the way she had positioned
herself just behind me. I came to my normal self at the mild admonition of
Didi who hissed, "Make haste. Ma will rest now." Before I obeyed her, I
bent my head down on the ground to do obeisance, and as I raised my head,
Ma asked, "Do you live here (Simla)?" I replied, "No Mother. The office in
which I work is now here. It remains here during the summer and moves
down to New Delhi in winter." Ma nodded and said, "COME AGAIN".
She then stretched out her right hand and Didi taking the hint, placed an
apple on her hand and Ma in turn gave it to me. I then did obeisance once
again and came out of the room with my heart overflowing with joy and
divine peace.

I waited a couple of minutes outside Ma's room for Didi so that I could
thank her and express my gratitude for arranging this unexpected and
wonderful darsan of Ma. But minutes ticked away and Didi did not come
out. My watch showed that the lunch time was about to be over and I,
therefore, hurried towards office.

On my way to office, I felt I was possessed with some wonderful delight
and peacefulness to which I had hitherto been a: stranger. My heart seemed
to have been charged with some unearthly current which had magnetised it
and soothed each little fibre and tissue in it. It was certainly my luckiest
day to have an unexpected darsan of Ma and that too at such an improper
time. But one question was uppermost in my mind - how could it all
happen and how was the impossible suddenly turned into reality? The
more I pondered over the sequence of events leading up to darsan, the more
I was drawn to the irresistible conclusion that all that happened at Ma's will
and grace. Because, first, the appearance of Brahmachariji just at the right moment when I was about to leave the place, secondly, the presence of
Didiji as if from nowhere, thirdly, her blunt order of dismissal first and
then sudden change of her mind, her calling me back and ultimately
arranging for the darsan all these were nothing but unmistakable doings of
Ma from behind as if she was pulling the strings and directing the course of
events through Brahmachariji and Didi who acted as mediums. Call it a
miracle or mere coincidence, the very fact of allowing a petty person like
me to have an untimely darsan and causing it to happen through Her
Divine will, is a clear example of Mother's 'ahetuk kripa' (spontaneous
grace) and boundless compassion. When I re-entered office and sat at my
desk, Ma's last two words "COME AGAIN" continued to ring in my heart.

That Compassionate Touch of
MA ANANDAMAYEE