Everyday Canvas

Then and Now

I must be a creature of habit. The first thing I do in the morning is to look at the clock on my bedside table, as if I were late for work or anything, forgetting I don’t have to go to work anymore.

Often it takes a crisis, a catastrophe, or a planned action for the day for me to rush in the morning. One thing I can’t do very well anymore is a morning rush; probably this is a reaction to crazy mornings I used to have when I was much younger. Yet, I am grateful for those had-been mornings. If it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t appreciate my mornings now.

Gratitude must be one of the highways to the heart, in addition to love, success, solitude, and sorrow. True gratitude fills a person with awe and sustains her with wonder and peace, as I sometimes wonder how I managed to deal with life in my earlier years; how I rushed around on little sleep and a lot of worrying for those who needed my care.

I still deal with some of those things today, but I take my time and even enjoy those routine chores that need to be done, like the laundry, washing dishes, straightening the house etc. Still, in the earlier days, I remember enjoying the rush, which I wouldn’t now. I enjoyed it then because I always liked wild things, like wild deadlines, my wild children, wild flowers, wild animals etc. I still like wild things, but I value quietude more. Wild things need freedom and wide open spaces to prosper, and in my wild old age I need to take my time and enjoy the freedom of doing what I like to do when I like to do it.