Can we talk?

Children

         I have known a number of people who complain about not having children. Yes, I've know some who were quite happy not to have any. But sometimes you get sick of the whining and the complaining and hearing about all the money they spend going to the doctor trying to have kids. We understand they want a family before it's too late. So did I. I was told early on that if I got pregnant that I would die, and the heart attack would take the baby, too. So that closed the door for me.

         I was heart-broken. It's the greatest disappointment of my life. I kept hoping for some breakthrough in medicine that might change my chances, but it didn't and I got worse. But I never complained to family or friends beyond making a statement of fact.

         I've also know people who were terrible mothers, who neglected, verbally abused, or hurt their children. I've always felt the injustice of that, of unfit parents having the gift of kids and not taking that responsibility seriously. And here I was, educated, somewhat intelligent, who loved kids, and would have made a good mother. My kids would have done their homework and had fun and done creative things. They might not have been rock stars or beauty queens or rocket scientists, but they would have known they were loved.

         That's one of the things I want to talk about in Heaven. I want Jesus to tell me what he was thinking by letting all those unfit people have kids, but people like me were denied the chance to share ourselves and the world with another generation. That's life. We take the path laid before us and try not to grumble.