Perpetual Ruminations

Sunday

Happy Easter, 2013. I have the day off and so fa it's been a lazy day. I didn't even get up till after noon. Of course, I was up late last night, again. It was quite a night, some good, some bad, some worse.

Let's start at the beginning, Saturday. Yesterday I was up kind of early, at least for me. I had to be to work by eleven for double coverage from eleven to five. It was also an opportunity to talk to Missy -  not her real name, but a nickname because she always wants to take time off. This was my first double coverage shift for this season, so my weekend off is now another weekend at work. Also, Rhonda, my wife did not get off work Friday night till kind of late, so it was a late night getting to bed, and only six hours, at the most, of sleep.

I started my shift tired, but feeling fine. I worked with the morning guard for a couple hours, then Missy came on duty and he left. I talked to her about the next schedule and she informed me she could not work Saturday, April 7. I had previously talked to her about the need for weekend coverage and she was willing and able. I pointed this out, and she said that since I had not put her on the schedule for double coverage yet, she thought I wasn't going to.

I pointed out why she had not been put on yet, and that I had explained this before. Her excuse changed, she had tickets for the 7th months ago. I did not pursue the issue by asking her why she would say she could work every weekend if she had already purchased tickets for a weekend event. No, I already knew it would be some lame excuse, and that the story would change, again. Instead, I asked her about the reasons why she needed time off. This also had changed, and there were a few different versions floating around.

I also learned that the transplant for June, that had changed to August, was now moved back to June -- maybe. I also learned it was not her daughter anymore, but her sister. She also informed me she may or may not be the donor due to health issues of her own. I quote her, "one doctor says I can, one says I can't." On top of this, her daughter is having health issues and needs some assistance and her son has cancer. He also has to have knee surgery and the cancer may be spots in his lungs or pneumonia. In other words, there's a whole lot of reasons she may need to take time off.

I again dropped the subject and moved on to the next issue, the summer schedule after another guard leaves. I would take his position and need to hire to fill mine, as well as the double coverage. Unless, she and the new hire wanted to take full time hours. If this was the case, we could all get full time hours, and cover the double coverage.

She looked at it, said it would be nice and she could do this. I pointed out there would be little time for anyone to miss, and it would mean commitment to covering scheduled shifts without change. She said she could see that, and could understand why it had to work that way. I asked her directly, "Can you make this commitment?"

She answered, "I don't know, it depends on what the doctors find."

I asked when she would know and she told me she had no idea, when ever the doctors decided to let her know. In other words, no answer, it was just up in the air if or when she would need to take time off. Currently it is every schedule she needs to have at least one scheduled day off.

By five yesterday afternoon, I had all the answers I needed. I was in need of hiring two people, one for my open shift when I change, and one for double coverage and filling in for this person when she decides she needs to take time off. I already know, by her attitude and answers, she does not care if she works here or not. She wants the money, she wants to choose her own schedule, whether it disrupts others plans or not, and if there is a conflict, she is dedicated to taking the time off.

I was off work, knowing I had to redo the schedule, so much for no work on my day off. I stopped by Target to talk to Rhonda, and to get a get-well card. Rhonda went on break so I stuck around and talked to her a bit, then our daughter and her family stopped by. They were in town for the day, and plans had been made for this visit, which was pleasant. After, i continued on with previous plans to see if my brother wanted to go ice fishing.

His girlfriend had surgery recently and i was going to drop of the card I mentioned and to see if he could get away for a little while for some ice fishing or if he was needed at home. I checked my cell, and he had called three times already since five, so i called him as I drove and he was able and willing to go do a bit of fishing.

When I got to his place, I gave the card, then dressed for the lake while he got ready. I loaded my stuff in his truck and we headed out. The ice was a mess, sloppy, wet, and we decided not to drive out. We unloaded everything and pulled some in the portable shelter and carried the rest.

It took a few tries to find how to pull everything in the shelter without it falling off, but we made it. after setting up, we moved a bit to some pre-drilled holes and set up there. It was kind of foggy, so we stayed close to the landing and made note which direction to go to find our way back if the fog became worse. We also decided to leave before dark for the same reason.

We did get wet, but with the shelter and a heater, we were fine to stay and fish. He caught a nice Northern soon after we started fishing. After that it was kind of dead, and it was getting on to the time we had planned on packing up to go. The fog was thicker, but we could still see our lines outside the shelter. He asked where all the Walleyes were at that were suppose to be here. That's when I got a bite. It took hold and I set the hook.

I thought a Northern as the drag went out, but it did not fight like a Pike. I seen it pass under the ice below my hole, and again it looked like a pretty nice size fish, must be a Northern Pike. It just did not fight like one. After another minute, I had it back to the hole and thought it would come up. Again it turned and fled, pulling line from my reel. I tightened the drag a little and and put up a bit more resistance to tire this fish out. Another minute passed and then it was there, below the ice under my hole. It fought a bit more, but it was too tired to pull the drag out and soon the head was coming up through the ice. Just as we realized this was not a Northern, the hook dislodged and pulled free. Luckily, Len was right there to help land the fish. He grabbed it even as the hook pulled free and it was up and out, on the floor of the shelter. Although we did not measure it then, it was a twenty-seven and a half inch Walleye.

I put it out on the snow, and checked my outside line. The minnow was lively and everything was fine. I went back into the shelter, put another minnow on, and dropped my line again. Within a few minutes, the fog had thickened enough to hide my outside line. I checked the drag and made sure it would be loose enough to prevent a fish from breaking my line and returned again to the shelter.

We fished a bit longer, and then decided to pull our outside lines in, since we could not watch them anymore. We had stayed later than planned, but the landing had a light and we could see our way in fine, despite thick fog and darkness. When Len pulled his outside line up, he yelled for me to assist him, he had a fish. Another Walleye. A little smaller, but still a nice fish. We packed up our stuff a bit and fished from within the shelter till nine. He decided to get the position before we left, so he walked into the light, got his GPS out of the vehicle, and then changed his mind, he would drive back out instead of walking.

Others had been driving on the ice around us, so we knew it was still thick enough and strong enough. I did not know he would drive out, but I did hear the vehicles and seen light in the fog, some distance away. He had gotten lost in the fog, but still able to see the landing light, he turned around and drove back, then called me to tell me he could not find me and the fish shelter.

We had a light in the shelter, so I took it out and talked to him via the phone as he walked. He could not see it. Again her turned around and walked back to the lighted landing. He tried to find the trail we had made coming out, and then followed that out. I also was on this trail and moved in toward the landing and the light until I could barely see the shelter in the darkening fog. I had drug my feet along as I had drug my feet as I walked, to make my steps easy to distinguish from any others, and moved further in, losing sight of our fishing spot, shelter, and equipment. I continued to hold the light high and swing it, hoping it would help him see me. After a few minutes, I could see something in the fog. I wasn't sure, but thought it was him. I moved in a little closer, still dragging my feet, leaving an easy trail to follow back.

Yes, now I could make out his shape. I called out and he answered. He could also now see the light ahead of him and soon we had joined there in the damp, darkness, surrounded by a fog so thick, we cast shadows on it from the light of the lantern. We easily followed my trail back and soon had the coordinates. We packed up and pulled everything in. We had found how to haul things better, so it was easier going back in, but still a workout. Len pulled the shack, I carried the minnows and the lantern.

After we got back to the landing, we loaded up and drove back to his house. We got a few pictures of the fish, he cleaned his and I went to Target to get Rhonda. It was quarter after eleven when she came out, and we still needed to pick up some groceries for today. We got home about one this morning. She worked on putting groceries away while I cleaned fish, then we had supper and watched a spot of television. About three this morning we went to bed, and by five this morning I was up with severe stomach pains. Rhonda was soon up, with stomach pains of her own.

I sat up for a while, in total agony, she went back to bed to try and sleep. We had taken some tums and being thirsty, had drank a glass of water. After a half hour, I went back and lay down, the pain had subsided some. I would have an occasion sharp pain from time to time, but it was much better. I finally was able to sleep by six this morning, and so getting up at noon was not so late.

I'm happy to say, the stomach pains have all but ended for both of us. I still have some bloating and pressure, but not anything like last night. I hope I never do, it was all but unbearable. Now, it's time to cook up some yummy food for our Easter dinner and then, maybe, a bit more fishing; if my stomach continues to do alright after I eat. We will see~

I did go out fishing and am back home, had dinner and am about to go to bed. It's April 1, 02:34 right now and this is just a quick update for the rest of my day. I had some toast, got the ribs cooking, and then dressed, loaded up, and headed in for some ice fishing. I came to understand a few more things about my little brother tonight in the process.

It was clear on the phone earlier that there was some disappointment when I told him I had been sick and didn't know if I would go out. But, after eating the toast, I felt better, and didn't think it would cause me to have need of a bathroom while we were out. I got the ribs cooking then loaded the van and headed in on Mustang Ave. I called him shortly after leaving town, and he said he was going to the lake now.

I explained I would not be able to get through with the van, especially with the broken spring, and he said just give it hell, and I'd do fine. I listened for a hint of humor in his voice, but instead I heard a very serious tone to it. He paused for a bit then added he could fix the fish shelter while I drove in.

After I got there, he was finishing up, had just finished his school work, and we headed out. We got to the lake and it looked like someone had our spot, but as we drove out, he insisted we needed to go closer to shore and more to the east of where we had been last night. I explained my logic in knowing a proximity to our location, but he was dead set I was wrong anyway. He had taken coordinates with the GPS, and now he said they were not reading right. We picked a spot and set up, and before we even had everything up, he had one line in the water.

It was windy enough the shelter was blowing all over. We moved it, but in the process, he let go of his end and I was almost run down by it. he didn't seem to have any remorse in that, and seemed indifferent to where we set up. I had to ask what direction to face it, which holes he wanted, and then stand in it while he set himself up. Once he was set up, I took the opportunity to grab my stuff and set myself up.

I told him there was a hole just off my side I could use if we started getting bites. I thought he would do the same with some holes on his side. Instead, he sat to my right and fished inside, and set his tip-up to my left and slightly behind me. Then, he said he was putting out a third line, in the hole I had intended on using outside my doorway. This was to my left and a bit in front of me, he had me centered between three points of his bait, so that if a fish did come along, it would likely take his before ever getting to mine.

The wind was blowing in from his side, so it was cold there, and it put out the heater every time he went out. I told him we should switch sides so he could fish out that side, and he seemed put out by it. He did agree, but he seemed upset. After we switched sides, he told me he had planned on staying till about eight thirty. He seemed in a hurry to get packed up and head in, and we didn't do much at all although he did land one perch.

I noticed this kind of attitude some times with him, but never understood why. I also know he seems to be in competition with me over anything and everything. Today, I think it was because yesterday I caught a bigger fish than he did. I have no other reasoning why he was so difficult today.

I know it mirrors my father a lot, and it is unpleasant to say the least. I don't think all of it is intentional, but stems from the subconscious mind. Some however is intentional as well. I believe I understand a bit more now, it stems from feelings of inadequacy. He is threatened by me being me and tries to be better to win my approval. Unfortunately, in the process he usually falls short of my standards.

Not that it matters, they are my standards, and I do not expect others to adopt them. Even so, I hold high expectations of others, and this may be a part of it. I do not, however, expect the same from others as I do myself, and do not look down at anyone how has different standards.

There may be more to it, but the results are the same. Sometimes we can have a great time together, and then just as quick as you can blink, he does everything in his power to make things miserable; just like his dad. I know I cannot change any of this, but understanding it may make it easier to endure when it comes.

The night ended well, and that is the main thing, right. I enjoyed the fresh air, I was home early, and we had a wonderful dinner. Now it's time to go to bed and enjoy a wonderful night, as well.

"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free."