Down the Rabbit Hole

The Death of the Rocker

Last night our embattled and abused rocking glider finally gave out. The death of Jaden's rocker has imposed upon us the necessity of teaching our daughter to fall asleep on her own without being rocked into her sweet slumber. This is daunting because, among other things, Jaden is a sleep fighter. Her will to remain awake usually outlasts her body's ability to keep moving. There have been many nights when the rocker was the only way I could get her to finally give in and drop off to sleep. So last night, after the rocker collapsed under us and her concerned face turned to one of annoyance, I smiled and said, "well, now you get to go to bed like a big girl!" and tried to hold back the tide of new fear I felt building. The only saving grace, is that Jaden loves our big bed. She loves to wake up in the air-conditioned comfort of our soft sheets and pillows, she loves to watch the Wiggles propped up between us on Sunday mornings, she loves to jump and crawl around on it with dogs..but would she love being put down to sleep in it? The hot summer nights have rendered putting her to sleep in her own bed impossible for the moment so the three of us (and the occasional stowaway dog) have been sharing sleeping space in the only air-conditioned bedroom in the house.

So, as I laid her down next to me, I steeled myself for the challenge and for the long hours of struggle. I had shut off all the lights but one, and I could see her eyes flashing mischief in the darkness. Every time she would giggle and prop herself up to look at me or look around, I calmly repeated, "Jaden, its time for bed now. Lie down baby." I lost count how many times I had to say that mantra but eventually, she stayed down, twisting and turning less frequently as the time went on. I tried telling her a story but she was far more interested in showing me where my eyes, nose, ears and mouth were located. I could hear Ricky pacing impatiently outside the bedroom door and once Fatih cracked the door to look in, providing just enough distraction to ward off sleep for another 10 minutes. In far fewer minutes than I expected, Jaden turned on her side, clutched her little baby doll to her chest, sighed and closed her eyes. She wrapped her hand around my fingers and after a few moments of picking at my nails with hers (something she has done since being a newborn), she miraculously began snoring softly. I snuggled up against her, breathing in her sweet lavender scent and it wasn't long before I felt myself drifting off to dreamland.

While I know this new rocker-less life we face is not going to be easy, it is a necessary progression. Eventually Jaden will need to fall asleep in her own bed on her own but I'm fine with the baby steps for the moment. After all, we may never go down this road again and I'm planning to enjoy every sleepless minute of this ride. Waking up with her smile each morning is the still the best part of my day. The rocker served us well but I now see its demise as more of an opportunity rather than a loss..at least for now...