What's up with Whatsit

Suggestions, please

Something that has been flopping around in my brain lately: what is love? It's hard for me to say what true love is. It's a little easier for me to say what true love isn't.

Love is NOT:
- A feeling. True love should go farther than this. I consider love to be an active verb, not just a sweet sensation somewhere in your middle. Love is something you do, not something you feel. Someone who says "I feel love for you" doesn't have love, they have infatuation.

Love is NOT:
- Unforgiving. If you are hanging on to something that the other party did wrong so you can throw it at them periodically, you do not have love for that person. What you do have is an obssession.

Love is NOT:
- Always asking for changes. Constructive criticism is okay. Handing out ultimatums is not. "Make this change or else" is not love, it's manipulation.

Love is NOT:
- A convenience. There are some who have something they are constantly doing to the exclusion of everything else - work is a prime example. They emerge periodically when things slow down or they suddenly feel the need for a break, and expect their significant other to be sitting there waiting on them. This isn't love - this is seeing someone as a possession, no more than a dog or a cat.

This is something we have had to work on at our house lately. My problem is letting down the great big brick wall I have set up. This is another thing love isn't - keeping the other person out. But it happens to be my particular thing that I do. The easy route would be saying that I do this out of self-defense. The honest route would be saying that I need to quit if I expect our relationship to continue, or if I expect either one of us to get any enjoyment out of it.

Got any ideas on what love IS? I'm taking suggestions at this point.